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Quit your job and start your own business. Propose to the woman you love. Move to another city. Why are we so afraid to face the unknown and take the plunge? And most importantly, how in the end to dare him?
The older we get, the harder it is to decide to change. We are afraid to step out of the so-called comfort zone. However, this comfort is doubtful, and sometimes painful. We feel that, being content with little, we lose the drive and fullness of life. And all because we are afraid of the unknown: what if the partner does not live up to expectations, the new job or the city will disappoint – and we agree to the illusion that everything is already so good.
secondary benefit
“I really want to change my specialty and become a graphic designer,” Vera admits. – Now I work in sales, I feel that this is not at all mine, but the salary is not bad and, most importantly, there is stability. I could look for something in the field of design, but the fear of leaving a job where I am valued and regularly promoted keeps me down. My mother does not support me and believes that in an economically unstable situation this is an empty whim. Reminds me that I have to take care of the child, because the ex-husband does not help us. There are a lot of rational arguments in favor of coming to terms with the situation, but the feeling that I am living someone else’s life does not leave me.
“It’s worth weighing the pros and cons: what you get and lose,” suggests psychologist Marina Myaus. “Knowing that you can always return to your old circumstances and find a job in sales can be somewhat reassuring. Often, however, worrying about losing a stable income is just a front, because in fact we are tormented by deeper existential fears. In case of failure, you will have to say goodbye to the dream, look for new life guidelines and self-identification.
Often we are not fully aware of what exactly prevents us from moving on. The secondary benefit of our inaction may not be so obvious. In some cases, it turns out that we are afraid of life changes because of possible future success. As we become more successful, some of the people around us begin to keep their distance, intimacy disappears from relationships. Therefore, unconsciously, we prefer to remain at the same level as our environment. Success is associated with social disruption and is seen as a loss of friendship, acceptance and understanding.
To rationalize your fears, describe on paper how your life would change if everything you planned worked out.
Also, we are sometimes afraid of the responsibility associated with a new life choice, and it often seems to us that we were late, missed the moment when we could realize our dream, and now it’s either too late or external conditions hinder the realization of our plan: economic instability, family circumstances.
“To rationalize your fears, describe on paper how your life will change if everything you planned works out, and what worries you about it,” suggests Marina Myaus. In another column, try to challenge each of the arguments given. Yes, you will probably have to make new decisions and be responsible for them, work harder. However, this will also bring you the incomparable joy of self-realization and the feeling that from now on you are the master of your life.
Do you fear that you lack competence and experience? Even if you have not finished your studies yet, it is not scary: you will improve more effectively in a new business, not just studying it in theory, but also gaining practice. Are you worried about the reaction of the environment? Think about how this can be a good test of the sincerity of friends and relatives. Truly close people will always accept and support you.”
Small steps
“I have a plan to promote an online store,” says Irina. — But when I see how everything is built by the market leaders, I am seized by uncertainty. It seems that I will never reach such turnovers and it will be difficult for me to compete.
“Inflated expectations are another common mistake that prevents you from taking the first step,” the expert explains. – You just need to change the paradigm and look at your progress not vertically, where you immediately draw for yourself the top point of success and are afraid that you will never get to it, but horizontally. Try to schedule the next steps for the day and week, and gradually the magnitude of the task will cease to scare you.