“Dear Depression, You’ve Lost”

“Dear depression,

I must confess that you were indeed a worthy adversary. You slipped into my life unnoticed for years without me even realizing that you had crossed my boundaries.

For years, I blamed myself for feeling anger, despair, and the blank emptiness that filled my life. But it was all you, you cunningly hid in the shadows and gradually filled my entire existence with pain.

You ruined my relationships with those I cared about, tattered my confidence, and erased the joy I used to have in life.

The fight was long and we both fought as hard as we could.

I fought to get better, and you, frankly, fought to kill my mind, body and soul. But today I can tell you with all confidence: you lost.

Every day I force you to retreat on all fronts, leaving you with no hope of ever taking over my life again.

Once you managed to gain control over almost every moment of it, and now I can clearly see that you fail every day.

1.For years you hurt mephysical pain: severe headaches, stiff shoulders, cramped muscles and aching joints did not even let me breathe in the morning – but not today.

Now I wake up and get up – it doesn’t matter, with or without pain. I go out and go to meet people.

I go to yoga so that the pain that you, like poison, spilled over my body, comes out of me.

I go to stretching to loosen tight muscles and let them breathe, to strength training to feel how strong my body really is.

I fill myself with music as I walk through the gray and boring subway tunnels, and sometimes I feel like spinning and dancing right there.

People may look at me sideways or smile, but this does not bother me at all, because I feel that my body is finally free from your iron tongs.

2.You stole my confidence from me. You made me hate myself.

You slipped me glasses through which I looked at myself and at the world around.

Now every morning, when I wake up, I see myself in the mirror, the real one. I see how much I love myself, how beautiful and strong I am. Even on days when I don’t really believe it, because my love is still stronger than your hate.

3.You made me feelemptiness and loneliness. You made me think that I’m from another planet and I don’t belong here; that my friends, family and the world in general would be better off without me.

You made me ask what my existence is worth.

But now I’m taking all these thoughts that you have infected my brain drop by drop, and I’m putting them into words, pouring them onto paper. To be read by all those whom you, like me once, are trying to subject to your torment.

And so that they turn into words of hope for them.

4.Finally,shame and confusion. How ashamed I was! For a long time I lived ashamed of the state I was in, caring what people would think if they knew the whole truth about what I was experiencing. I did not talk about the fact that I had been to a psychologist, that I was taking medication. Now I am ready to stand up and tell the whole world that you no longer have your power over me.

You will remain a part of my life. I’ll leave it up to you.

But you will never rule me again. You won’t dictate who I am.

I will have good days and bad days, and no matter what, I will wake up with the thought that this world is beautiful and I finally see it not through that gray veil that you have thrown over me all these years.

I will be glad that I just am. I am grateful for everything life has given me, good and bad. And for you too.

You tried to break me but only made me strong. Depression, you lost this fight – and every day you will lose simply because I will live and enjoy everything that life gives me.