Days of Caring is an exercise for couples and a technique for a counseling psychologist to help move a problematic relationship from a difficult point and turn the relationship into a positive one.
Spouses are often engaged in the unproductive game of «I will only change if you change.» But this is unproductive: changes depend on both spouses, and it is better for both spouses to start at once. So here’s the instruction: set a day during which you act like you’re «kind» to each other. You are unlikely to experience the corresponding feelings right away, you must first change your behavior, and the feelings will change after that.
Why «be nice»? Because “to love” is too intense a requirement for many, and high expectations are fraught with disappointment. Treat well — calmer and more reliable. However, if people in a couple are more courageous, they can be offered the exercise «If I loved.»
For each partner, the question: “What should the partner do to make it clear to you that he treats you well?” Actions should be: 1) positive, 2) specific, 3) small, so that they can be done at least daily, 4) not related to the actual conflict between the spouses.
Examples. «Don’t ignore me» is bad. “Ask me how I spent today” — good. “Make more time for your family” is bad. “Be at home by 18:00 pm” is good.
The list is at least 18 items. The couple add new items weekly, covering all their essential needs. Each partner selects five items daily from the list and notes the date when these items will be (and then were) completed by the partner. The counselor can call the couple in two or three days to find out what new items are on the list.
The technique gives a quick effect, positively reinforces counseling, relieves acute feelings.