Our daughter Karen started kindergarten at XNUMX years and XNUMX months old. On the first day, she got up early in the morning, all radiant. We dressed her and cheerfully informed her that it was time for her to go to kindergarten. We took her there a few weeks before and she had a great time. Karen took the news with great enthusiasm and even began to babble excitedly. When we entered the kindergarten, we thought that everything was going very well: everywhere there were funny kids climbing on various gymnastic equipment, climbing up, jumping and jumping. Smiling with pleasure, our baby settled down on a swing among other children. She was so immersed in the game that she barely noticed when we said goodbye to her and left.
“It’s just wonderful! we thought. Absolutely no anxiety when parting! Everything turned out to be much simpler and easier than we expected. Probably, we prepared it very well, with which we congratulated ourselves.
The next morning we woke up Karen and said it was time to get ready for kindergarten. This time, instead of joyfully jumping out of bed, she screamed «NO!» and with a death grip clung to the crossbar of the bed so that the two of us could not unclench her fingers. After a ten-minute struggle, we finally managed to lift Karen off the bed and push her into her clothes. When we dragged her to the car, she screamed and kicked with all her might; in the end we managed to put her in a special seat and fasten her belt. When we arrived at the kindergarten, we had to practically drag her into the room, and then to the locker room.
What was behind this resistance? Apparently, she thought that all the previous talk about the kindergarten and our visits in the summer were preparations for a one-day event. She went there, had fun, and that was the end of it. She had absolutely no intention of doing it all again! We did not warn her that it would be the next day and every day of the week! This time, when we said goodbye to her, she threw herself on the floor and began to beat on it with her hands and feet, it was impossible to calm her down.
We stood there, stunned and completely helpless, not knowing what to do, convinced of only one thing: we can’t leave her here like this. However, the teacher Karen, who watched the whole scene, had no doubts about what should be done. “She will be fine,” she assured us. “Say goodbye and leave quickly, she will immediately get up. It always happens that way.»
We were escorted to another room set up specifically for parents who do not want to leave a crying child, where the director of the kindergarten was waiting for us, who told us that we could go around the back of the building and carefully watch our daughter through a darkened window.
We did this and saw that our Karen was no longer lying on the floor, but was standing at the easel, dressed in a dressing gown. She was gloomy, but diligently painted. Reassured that everything will be fine, we went to work.
When we picked her up in the evening, she took the drawing with her. We gasped and groaned, calling it a masterpiece (and indeed it was. We saved it for her and are going to keep forever).
But the next morning it happened again. The third day was no better. Every morning we had to tear Karen out of bed, prepare her to leave with a struggle and take her to kindergarten. And every time there were protests and sobs, and every time we looked through the darkened window, we saw that after a minute or two, believing that we had already left, our little girl got up, went to her easel and began to paint.
At the end of the first week, we seriously asked ourselves: is she ready to attend kindergarten? Maybe it’s still worth taking her out of there and waiting for her to get used to this thought more and more … This daily drama and struggle is not good for her …
Overwhelmed with confusion and anxiety, we did not notice very slight, but quite definite signs of some improvement. Every day she protested less and cried less. By the middle of the second week, waking up in the morning, Karen no longer cried, and at the end of the same week, sending her to the classroom, we suddenly realized that, saying goodbye to us, she did not shed a single tear. At the end of the third week, she was already smiling in the morning, and by the end of the fourth, she told everyone who asked her that she loved her kindergarten.
Here are some activities that will complement caregivers’ efforts to help your little one adjust to a new lifestyle.
- From now on, continue to observe a short farewell ritual. After getting out of the car or walking with the baby to the door, give him a big hug and kiss — well, maybe add: «Have a fun day!» — but only. Resist the temptation to respond to a request to kiss him again or to wait just one more minute so that the child does not hope to prolong the time of saying goodbye to you.
- Make kindergarten more interesting and fun for your child than at home. If your home is a toy paradise, a real kingdom of art or animals, then how can a kindergarten compete with it? In our case, for example, it helped that we did not even think about buying an easel and a set of brushes for a three-year-old girl. The opportunity to paint her own paintings with paints led her to admiration and awe, and she could only do this in kindergarten. For the first month, every morning (as soon as we were hiding behind the door), she put on a dressing gown and took a place at the easel. We observed that other children also found something to their liking there: for some it was a big rocking horse, for others it was a gymnastic equipment, and still others played with enthusiasm in a fully furnished toy kitchen in children’s size. The well-equipped daycare provides a wide range of enticing activities that will make your little one happy to be there soon.
- Let your little one take their favorite household item with them. It could be a teddy bear, a blanket, or some other toy that he used to take with him to bed. Not all childcare facilities allow this. Some experts believe that all these things belong to the infant world and, when the preschool period begins, they should be left in the past. Many, more precisely, most child care centers prohibit bringing pacifiers and try to fight the habit of thumb sucking during daytime sleep. When choosing a children’s institution for your child, you must be sure that the teacher will treat his favorite things with understanding and, if necessary, the child will definitely receive support. Often, in order to feel calm in a stressful situation, a child needs to know that his favorite doll is nearby in a cozy house or in a box.
- Try to introduce the child to kindergarten teachers in advance: at least once he should play in the classroom or on the playground. This should not happen a few months before he starts attending kindergarten (because if this happens too early, the child will forget everything), but not just before the start of the visit — otherwise he will not have time to get used to the idea that a new kindergarten period begins for him. Try to get a list of the group that your baby will attend, and invite one or two future comrades to your home or to the nearest playground.
- A week before the first day of the visit, and maybe even earlier, talk daily with the baby about the kindergarten. Do not try to exhort and encourage him that he will be there without mom and dad; it can frighten and affirm fear in his mind. Your soothing words and phrases will be needed after the baby himself feels how scary it is to be alone in a new place. Instead, talk in as much detail as possible about what children do in kindergarten. If, for example, the group has a living corner with rabbits or hamsters, be sure to tell about it. Say all this in a cheerful and confident tone to instill in the child the thought that kindergarten is an integral part of every child’s life. Tell us how you yourself loved to go there when you were little.
- If, nevertheless, the child has fear when parting, he starts screaming and crying — suppress, suppress, suppress !!! all their natural maternal and paternal instincts to rush to the child’s aid. Do not tell him that you will take him home before you take other children. Do not let your child cling to your arm, drag you into a room, or otherwise interfere with your care. Do not stay in the room longer than the caregiver thinks is necessary.
- Don’t jump to the conclusion that your child isn’t ready for preschool. Take your child to an early childhood education counselor or a special research center that can assess a child’s readiness. Your little one will be tested with multiple elements: ball play, storytelling, painting, building blocks and other fun and easy “games” to play. Taken together, they allow you to create a complete picture of the level of skills and abilities of the child, including his emotional development.
- If your baby has any special adjustment or developmental problems, the counselor will refer you to a childcare facility that has the facilities for your child, or recommend a home support program to prepare you for kindergarten at a later date.