It would seem – what could be easier: create a profile, add a photo, sometimes go to the application to view matches, and sooner or later the dream partner will find you, because the choice is so huge. But it was not there. Why is it so hard to find a couple online and what can be done about it?
Fifteen years ago, dating apps were thought to be made for losers. The idea of looking for a partner on the Internet in the minds of people was closely related to searching for an ad in a newspaper. But with the development of smartphones and GPS technologies, online dating has ceased to be something unusual and indecent and has become an industry that brings in millions.
Love is like a game
Your phone can become a XNUMX/XNUMX meeting place – just remember to check Tinder every free minute. That’s why thirty-somethings spend about ten hours a week on dating apps, and almost a third of relationships start online.
But the unexpected success of such applications has given rise to the problem of “gambling”. When starting a relationship through Tinder and its peers, users feel like they are playing an exciting game. This is due to the bright interface and sound design. The creators of the applications specifically sought a similar effect – to turn dates into a game. And games are often highly addictive, with the user coming back to the app over and over again to experience the fun. Users begin to feel a constant connection with their “pocket matchmaker”. Players can be anyone, everyone’s task is to show others the ideal version of themselves.
When developing dating applications, knowledge of the neurochemical mechanisms of the brain is used. During the game, endorphins, natural painkillers, enter the bloodstream. They reduce anxiety levels or may even cause a state of intoxication.
Research shows that only 10% of online matches end up in an offline meeting.
The rewards and incentives given out by apps and games to regular users are needed in order to increase the level of serotonin, which is responsible for feeling happy. And the amount of happiness is directly related to the level of popularity of the product. In addition, during the game, dopamine is produced, which gives a feeling of satisfaction while a person plays. But as soon as he puts down his smartphone, dopamine levels drop, which makes the user reach for the gadget again. The rewards and rewards in dating apps are potential partners who like us.
We are chosen by another user, we choose him, which means that we are attractive and they want to meet with us. This pleasant feeling keeps people coming back to the app. This is how the reinforcement mechanism works. Even users who don’t enjoy using these apps often don’t delete their profile and keep logging in for small “rewards” to keep their self-esteem up. Even if we matched up with someone else just once, the hopes of a romantic relationship provide the motivation to log into the app again and again and keep looking.
The trap of the endless search
Research shows that only 10% of online matches end up in an offline meeting. Users often have difficulty dating in real life, which is not surprising. Such applications only benefit from the fact that people scroll through other people’s profiles for months and correspond with potential candidates. The “lie factor” should not be discounted either: according to research, 81% of online dating is associated with deception (users distort information about their height, weight and age).
Unfortunately, all of this leads people to believe that men use apps to find “one-time” sex, and women to dine at someone else’s expense. Applications offer users an endless list of possibilities, making them think that they can always find a better partner than the one they are already dating.
Too easy
Other studies, however, allay these fears. Psychologist Elisabeth Timmermans began studying Tinder a few years ago to identify the top reasons why people start using dating apps, and found that they didn’t make users have sex with each other more often.
Millennials, despite their addiction to online dating, have far fewer sexual partners than the older generation. Timmermans concludes that sex isn’t even in the top three reasons why people use Tinder.
Most go there to satisfy their curiosity, to cheer themselves up in hard times, or to amuse their ego. So, if using the application has not yet led to real acquaintances, do not worry: most likely, you simply do not need it.
Game overtones and app accessibility make it difficult to find your true love there
However, you can still improve your profile. Here’s how to do it.
- Post photos. The more of them, the more users will be interested in your profile (popularity jumps by about 35%).
- Make sure you are looking at the camera in at least some of the photos. Studies have proven that a direct gaze is more attractive than a sideways glance.
- Smile. You may think that it suits you to be serious, but the truth is that there is nothing more attractive than a genuine smile.
Chances are, we users will spend more and more time on apps without having a serious relationship in real life. Accept that gaming overtones and app accessibility make it difficult to find your true love this way.
About the Author: Lauren Sauer, PhD, specializes in helping those who strive to succeed, achieve self-fulfillment, and achieve peace in relationships and work.