You can understand each other not only with the help of words. There is a more precise language – pair dance. What will he tell us about himself and his partner? Is it possible for everyone to master the dance floor? And why is dancing more beneficial than pressing in the gym?
Alla and Igor are the same age, they are 38 years old, married for almost 15, they turned to a psychotherapist, being on the verge of a divorce. The conversation “stuck” on mutual claims, and the psychologist suggested that the couple take a few tango lessons. When a month later the couple came to the session, they were unrecognizable. They joked and looked at each other playfully. Nobody mentioned the divorce. Alla and Igor decided to continue tango lessons: according to the woman, this helps her keep in shape, and the man said that for the last two weeks they have had such vivid sex that they didn’t even have on their honeymoon.
The inhabitants of megacities have lost the endurance and strength of their distant ancestors. Even training in the gym loads only part of the muscles. “Dancing, relying on the base of natural movements – walking, jumping, running – awakens the whole body, even those muscles that we usually do not use,” explains Evgeny Filippov, trainer and teacher of sports dances, winner of the Moscow championship in ballroom dancing (2009). “Pull the shoulder blade, turn on the hips, load the pelvis – in the dance it works out by itself.”
Dance movements prevent serious diseases. For example, with their help, you can strengthen the hip joints, knees. “I teach not only to tense up competently, but also to relax. After all, the right dance is both tension and relaxation, ”says Evgeny Filippov. An experienced trainer will help get rid of the clamps. In the first lessons, discomfort from unusual movements is possible. But after some time, the body should get used to the new load, if pain is haunting – this is a signal that it is worth looking for another teacher. Conversely, the right technique (for example, in Latin – samba, salsa, bachata) will help strengthen the legs – from the tips of the fingers to the hip, helping to distribute the load from the knees to the pelvis. In women, activity in the pelvis opens sexual energy.
Dance combines physical activity and emotions through music.
“We can dance, show sadness, joy, anger, competition, pleasure, passion,” says Evgeny Filippov. On the dance floor, we are charged emotionally, opening ourselves from a new side. “In the 1980s, a well-known ballroom couple, Cheslovas Norvaisha and his wife Jurate, studied the effect of dancing on the functioning of the body. They are doctors and dancing is their hobby. The couple came to the conclusion that emotions have a beneficial effect on the hormonal background and on the heart of the dancers,” explains Evgeny Filippov.
“Daphne, you’re leading again!”
Dance is an effective tool for building relationships as well. Family psychotherapist Kirill Koshkin conducted an experiment several years ago: the group danced tango for an hour and a half, and discussed the dance for the same hour. It turned out that many people stumble over the distribution of roles and experience a crisis. “This is a serious problem for modern couples,” says Kirill Koshkin. – There is no single model of behavior for Her and Him. Each partner brings the worldview on which he himself was brought up.
And if in ancient times a boy understood after what ritual he officially turns into a man, and a girl into a woman, then today there are no such initiation rites. Dance just helps to identify the rules of the game. In tango, gender roles are strictly distributed. If each partner will perform their functions within the given limits, the dance will work out. If someone begins to pull the blanket over himself, there will be no dance.
For many participants in the experiment, the dance led to a revolution in consciousness. For example, one couple “over 50” complained about his wife’s lack of desire. “We tried to dance with her. I got up with the client in a couple and closed my eyes, as the coach taught me – this is how you feel the new partner better. And suddenly she seemed to have disappeared, I was left alone, ”recalls the expert. He shared his feelings with the couple, and it was a breakthrough moment: they saw in the dance something similar to their life.
For partners it was a discovery that following a man does not mean being on the sidelines or having restrictions. “A partner brings a structure that opens up new opportunities for a woman. Relying on it, she can show herself in all her glory – in turns, ochos, other decorations, ”explains Kirill Koshkin.
It was especially difficult for women leaders to allow a man to behave. Sometimes it turned out like in the movie “Only Girls in Jazz” – “Daphne, you are leading again.” And some men realized that they themselves voluntarily give the reins of power to the ladies. Partners who work in the office and do not have serious physical fitness, it was extremely difficult to admit that it was difficult for them at first to support the weight of a partner, and they hid their helplessness behind attacks on her. “But when they became more or less stronger and more confident, energy and sexual desire arose,” says the psychotherapist.
Beginner fears
A huge number of studios and clubs offer dances to choose from. But many are afraid to step over their threshold. Why, explains Evgeny Filippov, a coach-teacher of sports dances.
- “I can’t dance” or “I can’t do it” are the most common excuses. The basis of dance is rhythm. I do not know a single person who does not have the ability to catch the rhythm.
- “I’m Ugly” is a woman’s story. In dance, a person is transformed. Even if you think you look awkward, it’s worth giving yourself time. And everyone in the group is busy with himself, he has no time to look at others.
- “I’m afraid to look weak” – male fear. The stereotype of men is in the application of maximum effort, which is not necessary in dancing. Their body intuitively resists new “lightweight” movements.
- “I’m fat” or “I’m clumsy” – but there are many examples of how fat people transform on the floor and move with amazing plasticity and ease. Not a hindrance for amateurs and a difference in height: ideally, it is only necessary that the pelvis of the partners be approximately at the same level.
- “I can’t dance with someone else’s partner” – close contact with a stranger, as in Argentine tango, is often frightening: everyone has their own smell, demeanor and movement. It is worth starting with Latin – in it, partners contact mainly with their hands.
Tango is a great metaphor for relationships: all the hidden signals and patterns are revealed in it. The dance allows you to feel the partner and the couple as a whole without words in three minutes. The milonga clearly shows what the union is based on in real life. “If a family project is based not on intimacy and the desire to be together, but on paying off a mortgage, raising children, accumulating wealth or a common business, dance will show it.”
Sometimes a couple fails the tango test and breaks up. But it happens the other way around – new experience helps to better understand each other not only for spouses, but also for business partners. “I had two cases when future co-therapists came to dance – they wanted to feel each other before the common work. And business partners launching the project,” says Kirill Koshkin. Both couples were able to get used to it pretty quickly, clarify their strengths and weaknesses, and are still successfully conducting a common cause.