DI. Dovbun developed the Love scale. Her task is to evaluate her own attitude to love and determine the directions for personal development. Using the scale makes you carefully, self-critically evaluate yourself in three directions: self-love, expectations from love and readiness for some actions in the name of love. A scale that allows at least a first approximation to evaluate this priceless feeling, gives users a tool for improving themselves, for developing new, stronger relationships.
The Love-2 scale includes five objective sensations:
- interest. Security question: Are we interested in each other?
- attraction. Security question: Are we drawn to each other?
- benefit. Security question: Do we need each other?
- understanding. Security question: What unites us?
- security. Security question: Are we calm together?
Interest
Interest depends on intellectual compatibility. Interest is determined by the degree of enthusiasm for a person. This feeling naturally appears with a new acquaintance and also naturally begins to disappear if it is not supported. Security question: Are we interested in each other? 1 point — lack of interest, except for the natural reaction according to Pavlov. What is it?. Feelings of self:
- self: i miss you
- int: I want him/her to leave me alone
- ext: I’m not ready for something new
2 points — a feeling of interest when something new appears or something known changes. That is, this level is interesting — not interesting. Feelings of self:
- self: I’m interested
- int: I want him/her to be interested in me
- ext: I’m ready to get to know him/her more
3 points — there is a desire to be interested, a feeling of enthusiasm, when something completely unknown and safe appears, or something known is constantly changing. That is, this level is exciting — not exciting. Feelings of self:
- self: i’m addicted
- int: i want him to worry about me
- ext: i’m ready to worry about him/her
4 points — a feeling of mystery, unresolved, when the answers received raise new questions. Feelings of self:
- self: I’m studying
- int: I want him to think about me all the time
- ext: i’m ready to live for him
Security
The desire to save oneself (one’s life) is an important factor in the development of relationships. Security depends on the level of feeling of physiological, psychological, material security, on the level of cultural compatibility. Security question: Are we calm together? 1 point — lack of security, a sense of danger. This feeling can occur in couples with experience, and in the family. That is, this level is scary — not scary. Feelings of self:
- self: I feel defenseless
- int: I want him (s) not to know (s) about my weaknesses
- ext: i’m not ready to find out about his weaknesses
2 points — a sense of security, when everything you need for a quiet life is there. That is, this level is enough — not enough. Feelings of self:
- self: I feel protected
- int: I want him/her not to harm me
- ext: I am ready to be attentive to his (-s) weaknesses
3 points — a feeling of prosperity, when there is everything for a comfortable, convenient life. That is, this level is comfortable — not comfortable. Feelings of self:
- self: i feel secure
- int: I want him/her to protect me
- ext: i’m willing to help protect his weaknesses
4 points — a feeling of freedom, when you have everything or you can get everything you need. Feelings of self:
- self: i feel free
- int: I want him/her to relieve me of weaknesses
- ext: I’m ready to rid him of weaknesses
attraction
Attraction on a primitive (animal) level has little to do with interest. But in this case, we are not talking about love. Attraction depends on the level of physiological, sexual compatibility, on the level of craving to be together. Security question: Are we attracted to each other? 1 point — no attraction or just instinct. It makes no sense to talk about love when there is a simple physiological arousal without emotional sympathy for a person. Feelings of self:
- self: I don’t like myself
- — int: I want her (s) not to notice me (s)
- — ext: I’m not ready to attract his (s) attention to me
2 points — there is no attraction as such, but there is sympathy for the person. At the same time, sympathy is not platonic in nature, but sexual: it is masculine or feminine qualities that are sympathetic. That is, this level is like — dislike, beautiful — not beautiful, etc. Self-perceptions:
- self: I’m cute
- — int: I want him (s) to like me
- — ext: I’m ready to get his attention
3 points — there is excitement. In men and women, sexual arousal manifests itself in different ways, but there is also something in common: fantasies, inner attraction, passionate deeds. That is, this is the level I want — I don’t want. Feelings of self:
- — self: I am desired
- — int: I want him (s) to excite me (s)
- — ext: I’m ready to excite him
4 points — the peak of excitation. Attraction already ceases to be itself. There are no barriers, no constraints. This feeling is more like falling into the arms of a loved one. A fall will definitely happen, and a loved one will definitely pick it up. Therefore, it remains only to close your eyes and … Self-perceptions:
- — self: I’m the best
- — int: I want him (s) to bring me to ecstasy
- — ext: I’m ready (s) to bring him (s) to ecstasy
Then, after ecstasy, comes contentment. This is no longer attraction, this is already a transition to a completely different category of sensations — benefit. Therefore, there will be no five points.
Understanding
Understanding depends on moral, spiritual compatibility. The presence of understanding indicates the presence of common values, principles, and even a common meaning. The level of understanding is, in a sense, the level of kinship. Security question: What unites us? 1 point — lack of understanding. Self-awareness:
- self: I feel like a stranger
- int: I want him/her to keep his opinion to himself
- ext: I’m not ready to understand someone else’s opinion
2 points — a feeling of understanding, when opinions and actions become clear, but there is no support for them. That is, I understand this level — I don’t understand it. Self-awareness:
- self: I feel like myself
- int: I want him/her to understand my point of view
- ext: I’m ready to understand his point of view
3 points — there is a desire to support the opinion, a sense of kinship, when the basic views and principles of attitude to life, to each other, to oneself are shared. That is, this level agrees — does not agree. Self-awareness:
- self: I feel like family
- int: I want him/her to share my principles
- ext: I am ready to support his principles
4 points — a feeling of unity, when an unsaid thought by one is harmoniously continued by another. Self-awareness:
- self: i feel like i’m the only one
- int: i want him to be proud of me
- ext: i’m ready to change myself for him
Benefit
The feeling of benefit is associated with the continuation of the development of each of the four previous experiences. The benefit depends on the level of care, empathy. Security question: Do we need each other? 1 point — there is no benefit from living together, when everyone lives on their own and there is no desire to change anything. Feelings of self:
- self: i feel useless
- int: I want him (s) not to interfere in my affairs
- ext: i’m not ready to work hard for him
2 — points — a feeling of at least some benefit: from unforgettable sex or from security, or from a joint interest, or from the support of general principles. That is, this level is necessary — not necessary. Feelings of self:
- self: I feel useful
- int: I want him/her to help me with little things
- ext: I’m ready to fulfill some of his requests
3 points — a feeling of support when many issues are discussed together, when many tasks are solved together. That is, this level is profitable — not profitable. Feelings of self:
- self: i feel needed
- int: I want him (s) to take over some of the worries
- ext: I’m ready to do some of the chores instead of him
4 points — a feeling of patronage, when any issues are resolved without their own participation. Feelings of self:
- self: I feel irreplaceable
- int: I want him/her to save me the trouble
- ext: I’m ready to take on all his (-s) chores
How to evaluate love
Rate your love according to five sensations: interest, security, attraction, understanding and benefit. Each sensation can be rated from 1 (no sensation) to 4 (maximum sensation). At the same time, the assessment can be done in three directions: self-love (self), expectations from love (int), readiness in the name of love (ext). If the ratings are different, take the arithmetic average of each sensation. The points obtained or the arithmetic mean for each sensation must be multiplied among themselves. The product of ratings allows you to determine the class of love, which accordingly indicates the level of relationship. When evaluating your love, you should use the relationship level table.