What they teach at school is a wonderful song! Music by V. Shainsky, lyrics by M. Plyatskovsky.
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Yes, people are not perfect. Moreover, sometimes they are just hard. They are gu.e., unfair, lazy, selfish — in short, they are just people, that is, they look like us.
Raising others is not easy and not always rewarding, especially when you consider that these same people around you are quite mature people with their own habits and outlook on life, and they treat our attempts to educate them (and actually re-educate) if not always with protest. usually without enthusiasm.
The first recommendation on this path — do not rush to educate others, first take care of educating yourself: this is both more effective and more honest. If you are offended by the grievances of others, then instead of arranging a difficult showdown with your loved ones, it is better to pay attention to your provocations in their direction and work on your emotions about their grievances. If you do not control yourself well, it is hardly right for you to teach others something. If you do not hear the intonation of your voice and do not notice when, instead of discussing, you start throwing accusations, your attempts to educate someone will lead not to success, but to tension or conflict. Since the most common form of such unskilled grief-education is dissatisfaction with the behavior of another person and his criticism, it is precisely the rejection of criticism and the cessation of discontent that often turn out to be the most effective influence.
You stopped making noise — your partner stopped responding to you in conflict. Let it be situational, but the task was solved.
However, the fact that someone does a good deed inefficiently and incorrectly does not in any way cancel the very task of education. The demand for the educator to begin with oneself is the demand for one to begin with oneself, but not to end with oneself. It is possible and necessary to educate, it is only necessary to do it qualifiedly.
In good families, children are brought up both by personal example, and by creating an atmosphere, and by confidential conversations — in every way, but education, as the main task of parents in relation to children, occurs constantly. A wise leader, building a team of employees, is busy not just distributing current orders, his main task is to educate the personality of an employee who knows how to work effectively in a team.
The fact that it is difficult to educate does not cancel our duty to educate or re-educate the one and those for whom we are responsible. The question «Who gave you the right to educate other people?» opposes the question no less powerful: “Who removed from us the obligation to educate those who are dear to us and for whom we are responsible?” Yes, this is not an easy task and requires high qualifications, but if you are a developed personality, an experienced teacher, if you have serious levers of influence and a person next to you is quite sane, this is simply necessary and you have chances.
Education, especially re-education, is an exceptionally creative matter, and most often three points, three possibilities, three means turn out to be useful here: set the format, discuss what is happening, accustom to reasonable communication. Each of these tools has its pros and cons, they need to be known and taken into account.
The first possibility is to set the format. This is the most effective and reliable means, but it is possible only at the beginning of a relationship and subject to a certain interest of a person in communicating with you.
The second opportunity is to discuss what is happening. This is possible at any stage of the relationship, but it’s best to wait and start the conversation when you’re clean and your partner is obviously wrong. It will not pass with everyone — only with those who understand what civilized relations are. Between quality people, this will be a friendly discussion, in more difficult cases, a prepared showdown.
Well, and the third is the accustoming to reasonable communication: it always works with any sane people, but the work is long and requires patience and method.
So where do we start? We recommend starting with the format, if only to get acquainted with the possibilities of this amazing business, which wise people use when consciously, when not, but always with great benefit. See Format: set, accustom, support
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.