Criticism Plus-help-plus

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​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The simplest and most effective formula for competent criticism is as follows: PLUS — HELP — PLUS.

Item times: Plus, «What’s Good». It almost always makes sense to start with some kind of positive that will ensure contact with a person, create a reserve of a resource state for him and prevent him, such a possible, going into defense.

Item two: Help, or rather, “How can I do it better”. Here it is better to say not what is bad, not what needs to be corrected, but what can be done better, what can be changed or added.

Correct — defective, and add — to the good. Talking about the need to “fix” is conflicting, but talking about the possibility of changing and adding is normal, this keeps the contact.

If possible, make this “change and add” clear, specific, give a positive example so that your words can be used. And then HELP will be a constructive and friendly prompt.

It’s like a gift, and instead of wanting to aggressively defend yourself, “Look at yourself!” there is an understanding of what can really be done.

point three: again Plus. In order for the desire to be translated into action, it must be supported by the final plus: something positive, energetic and inspiring.

“Are you talented? You can do it!»

So, start with the positives, continue with the difficult ones, end with the pleasant and inspiring ones!

Examples

If you are interested in illustrations of how this applies to life See →

Tips & Tricks

The exercise works only with correct speech — intonation, voice pitch, etc. Wrong intonations kill the result of the exercise.

Usually the most difficult moment is to make an effective first plus, to create a positive contact before criticism. If your attempts to build positive contact do not work (

The son brings a notebook, there are mistakes. I begin to formulate pluses (earlier I would have said that “this is not good, go redo it”): — So. I see that you have worked. — (face sour) — This is wonderful. — (rolls his eyes to the ceiling) — Really, I appreciate that you worked. — Ah.. (waving his hand) Then I realized that there was no contact and switched to the instruction in the «iron hand in a velvet glove» mode.’> here is an example of an unsuccessful contact alignment),

• Leave Plus-Help-Plus for now and focus on working on «compliments-just-for-nothing.» Compliments “for no reason” seem to be an easier task than preparing a person for criticism. An article that will teach you how to compliment: see →
  
• Use the Admiring Criticism technique (link here),
• If this does not help, then at least in relation to the child you can demand the format: “We don’t go with sour faces, right?”. When Dushka is not working, turn on the Silovik!

Yet:

Formal intonations for Plus-Help-Plus are unacceptable. Hear the story for yourself…

The husband and son came from the store with purchases, among them was a Turk for brewing coffee. The mother-in-law comes after them, and I hear the following dialogue: Husband: Hello! Mother-in-law: Hello! Did you buy a Turk? Husband: Got it! Mother-in-law: How much? Hearing the answer, the mother-in-law: Oh, expensive. I saw in the store closest to us half the price and exactly the same as yours. Husband: Mom, we bought copper. After that, the phrase: “I saw twice as cheap and exactly the same” was repeated in several versions with different sauces.

I listened to the dialogue from another room and did not consider it necessary to leave. And if she came out, she would say: “It’s great that you know the price level in many stores in our district. Next time it will be right if we call you before shopping and ask which store is better to go to. And if, suddenly, you find yourself at the goal earlier, we will be very grateful to you for the purchase — you will save our time and money.

To the ears of the editor of this article, such formulations are a mockery.

Relevance, limits of application

There is no need for these curtsies when a person next to you is cheerful, strong, self-confident and confident in your friendly attitude towards him. You can say in short: “It’s not good, redo it (or — more cheerful, more accurate …)!” Moreover, for a person it may turn out to be a synthon as a sign of trust. For a detailed discussion of this topic, see Synton’s forum.

On the other hand, if a person makes mistakes, therefore, in principle, he is not suitable for the task assigned, then it is useless to criticize him. It’s better to thank him and say goodbye. Similarly, we say goodbye to those who do not make mistakes, but are not loyal and act, ignoring our orders and agreements.