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Hundreds of thousands of people are involved in large-scale protests in Belarus. Many of them felt their lives and safety threatened by being detained and ill-treated. How do volunteers providing emergency psychological assistance to these people work?
Participants and witnesses of such events often need psychological support – collective emotions go off scale. Strong fear, anxiety, repressed anger and a sense of powerlessness become the background of life. The professional community responded promptly to this request. Already in August, hundreds of Belarusian psychologists united in various initiative volunteer groups.
Volunteers provide first aid in case of shock right on the street, in the epicenter of events, they are on duty at places of detention and in hospitals. They work with detainees and their families in person or online. They help anonymously in cases of sexual violence, use the format of group therapy for victims of violence and their families, take calls to the hotline.
This is a heroic round-the-clock non-stop work with injured, lost, frightened people, getting out of a state of shock, helping to adapt to a new reality…
Psychologists, Gestalt therapists Anastasia Shapel, Maxim Pylev, Anastasia Gonta, Denis Baranov were among the first to get involved in volunteer work, organizing help groups and call centers. We asked everyone to talk about the work on the example of a specific case from personal practice.
“The acute external situation is reflected in relations in the family”
Gonta Anastasia, psychologist, gestalt therapist
I consider all citizens of the country affected, even those who do not participate in mass demonstrations, because their families and close circle suffer along with the detainees. Major social change is an acute situation of high intensity. Someone is at the stage of denial, someone is in anger (if we recall the stages of experiencing grief and stress according to the Kubler-Ross classification). Others, on the contrary, experience inspiration and uplift. I am approached by those who feel severe anxiety, fear or guilt, who cannot bear the situation of uncertainty.
Another common reason is conflicts in families due to different political views or the degree of involvement in protest events.
Case from practice. Masha and Sergey were until recently a close-knit couple. Both enthusiastically joined in social events. But then Sergey decided that it would be enough for him to participate only financially. Masha accepted his decision with sadness. And soon their son returned from school frightened and in a torn jacket.
It turned out that friends in the school yard played “detention”: they grabbed him, as if for fun, and threw him to the pavement. He began to struggle and scream, then they called him a coward and ran away. Masha decided to talk about it in social networks. Sergei forbade doing this: he said that he had had enough and he intended to take his family to another country.
Masha reproached her husband for being a coward and setting a bad example for the child. The husband reproached his wife for short-sightedness and misunderstanding of the situation, as well as in the fight against windmills. They began to quarrel, there were thoughts of divorce.
This story has become a vivid illustration of how many of us are experiencing a situation of uncertainty and social change in the country. How many conflicting feelings have accumulated inside: fear, anger, hope, inspiration, despair. You may not even realize how deeply you feel until a situation like a school incident breaks the dam of these feelings. And then they can pour out on a partner.
When anxiety and tension thicken around us, and events change so quickly, we simply do not have time to live them emotionally. And when strong feelings are difficult or impossible to express to those to whom they are addressed, then we direct them to those who are close to us, whom we trust, the closest people.
In other words, if it is not possible to express our anger, horror, resentment in a public space, we place them in the family. It is important to begin to realize this and try to understand the general psychological background in which your conversation with your partner takes place. Not everything he says applies directly to you. If you try to see fear and pain behind his reaction, then you can understand what is said about the situation, and what is directly about you.
“We need support, not condemnation”
Maxim Pylev, psychologist, gestalt therapist, program manager of the Phoenix Rehabilitation Center
“The most frequent requests that I meet are the fear that the situation of violence that a person has experienced will be repeated, the horror of bullying others, a lack of understanding of how to live in a country where you do not feel safe. Many develop a tendency to paranoid thoughts and actions: a feeling of a “maniac around the corner”, a desire for retribution. But it is not clear how to implement it.
Case from practice. The first girl who contacted me was Katya, who, by an absurd accident, fell into this whirlpool of events. Katya is a young mother, she is 23 years old, she has a husband and a 3-year-old son. Returning from a walk, she saw a crowd of people, decided not to tempt fate and go around from door to door. There were law enforcement officers who detained her. It’s pretty tough, she says.
Katya’s primary shock came from the fact that she did not understand who these people were and where they were taking her. Then she spent a day in the cell alone, without food or water, because she refused to sign documents, which, according to her, contained false information about her detention.
When she returned home, her husband brought down his anger on her, accusing her of being to blame, because she was walking around somewhere. Katya’s father, a former military man, also quite aggressively condemned his daughter for being a victim of this situation. All this time, Katya felt great anxiety for her little son, who was very attached to her and had a difficult time parting.
The result of such multiple trauma is the fear of going out, the fear of losing a child, bitterness and disappointment due to the lack of support in the family. It was important for me to support Katerina and create a safe space where she can express her emotions and speak out. And also try to find at least some resource in all this.
Katya was very frightened, but, nevertheless, she steadfastly survived all the horrors, coped with a very difficult situation and did not sign the document. She did not receive support from her family, but was able to seek help from a specialist. Katerina is afraid of losing her son, but in fact he is there and nothing threatens him, because she is a caring and good mother.
At some point, she managed to show emotions and cry. It was very important for a woman to be heard and supported. For three meetings, she managed to restore her emotional state, with virtually no fear to go out. And besides, she was able to tell her husband that she understands his concern for her life, but she cherishes his support, and not condemnation and accusations. Katya and I are no longer working, but we remain in touch.
“Those who ask for help tend to be more aggressive”
Denis Baranov, psychologist, coordinator of the call center for volunteer assistance to victims
I divide the victims into the first and second circles. The first includes those who are in the thick of things. To the second circle I include their relatives, as well as those who turned out to be an unwitting witness to cruelty. Today, the Internet allows us to emotionally engage in any more or less global processes, which significantly expands the circle of victims. Those who ask for help tend to be more aggressive. Some already have all the signs of PTSD.
Case from practice. A 35-year-old man contacted me after his arrest. He had such a severe leg injury that surgery was required. The man lives alone, his closest relative, sister, lives on the other side of the city.
He experienced strong tides of anger, alternating with fear. His sister supports him, often calls and offers to come, but he refuses, because he does not want to be a “burden”. But the thought that he had someone to live for helped him cope with the hopelessness and horror he experienced during his detention.
The more the client shared what happened to him, the easier it became for him. The opportunity to tell someone about what he had experienced brought him back to reality. And when the feeling of hopelessness and fear rolled over again, he was helped by the thought that the worst was over and he did it. He is free, and his loved ones worry and support him.
“Don’t infect children with negative news!”
Anastasia Shapel, child and family psychologist, certified gestalt therapist. Creator of the group “Psychological assistance to survivors of violence in Belarus 2020”
I work a lot with children and note with great regret the tendencies of “infection” of children by parents. How does this happen? Adults cannot cope with tension and anxiety, do not realize their condition and begin to tell children about situations of attacks, beatings and deaths, which they learn about through various telegram channels. Moreover, they do it on their own initiative, without waiting for questions, and this is a gross mistake.
In discussing negative social events with children under 12-13 years old, it is necessary to adhere to the principle: no question – no answer; there is a question – there is a simple answer! And, of course, it is important to realize: if I, as a parent, start talking with my child on these topics, why am I doing this? What is my goal?
A child can neither be a container for an adult’s emotions, nor a partner for an equal dialogue. It makes sense to start talking about what is happening with older teenagers by discussing their vision of the situation: what they already know about and what they are specifically interested in.
This allows you to build trusting relationships, avoid the negativism typical of teenagers and agree on safety rules: how to behave in a crowd, what to do if they are attacked, where to turn for help and how to get in touch in a timely manner.
If you find yourself starting to talk to your child about situations of violence and death, then you need to:
1. Recognize the fact that you are emotionally overwhelmed and unstable.
2. Go on an information diet, that is, minimize the flow of this kind of information.
3. Seek help if you can’t handle the weight of anxiety and negativity on your own.