In all civilized countries, with the exception of the Islamic world, there is an acute problem in family relations. The main reason is that in the new historical order of life, the old type of family is no longer viable, and its new forms have not yet taken root.
The traditional family was not very humane, but very strong. “Let the wife of her husband be afraid …” — the girls were inspired from childhood. From childhood, girls were brought up in the spirit of obedience to their husbands, prepared for the household and raising children. “Domostroy” did not have legislative force, but, reflecting and shaping public opinion, prescribed: “If a wife does not obey her husband, then he teaches her with a whip, but it is better if there are no witnesses, but in private. And he hits not in the face, but in the ear and carefully so as not to hit the heart with his fist, and it’s better not to hit with a stick and an iron rod … Best of all with a whip, it hurts, and effectively, and frightens, and is good for health.
It is clear that in such a situation of disagreement in the question: “Who is the boss in the house?” — did not have…
It used to be clear: a married woman is respected, lives like a woman, gives birth and raises children. The husband is her protector, the husband is the breadwinner and breadwinner, but how without a husband? Yes, and public opinion reacted to a divorced woman in almost the same way — neighbors would not be allowed to enter the door.
And now the family for a woman is the search for happiness. And if there is no happiness, naturally, a divorce.
For men, the meaning of “marital ties” (and men most often understand the family as “bonds”!) is even less clear. Indeed, why should a man marry, what need does he need?
See Why and why people create a family
I remember very well a conversation with one guy, Volodya, a member of our club. I once asked him: “Volodya, you are a healthy, strong guy, you are twenty-three years old and you earn normally — why don’t you get married?” I asked him as if in jest, but he answers seriously: “Nikolai Ivanovich, why should I get married?” I was not ready for such a question, I was even a little taken aback: “What for? After all, a person needs a family, children … «-» And what about children? — Volodya answers, — I am making my contribution … »
The people gather around us, and he continues his thought, he has already gone on the offensive:
— But really, Nikolai Ivanovich, let’s figure out why I should get married. Firstly, is the family economically beneficial for me? Girls (he addresses the girls standing nearby), how do you expect that you will support your husband or should he support you? (The girls laughed, the answer is clear.) And I look at my acquaintances: here they are friends, they meet, he has a small salary, but he has enough, she has a little, but somehow she also has enough, got married — both lack … Divorced — again everything is fine … It’s a paradox, no one has explained it, but the fact remains — the family «eats» money in general and from men in particular. A family is economically unprofitable for a man.
— Further, — continues Volodya, — from the social point of view. Of course, it’s nice, I got married, my wife will darn socks and cook borscht. But my mother is still alive, she takes care of me, and I myself am not without hands, plus my friends are nearby — they will help, as long as they want to please …
Well, as for the sexual side of life … Well, if I were eighteen years old, there would be problems. And now I’m twenty-three. Nikolai Ivanovich, do you think there are problems?
— Probably not.
— That’s right, no, plus there is still a variety, which I will be deprived of in family life …
The conversation is edited, but not invented.
But the most interesting thing is that half a year or a year passes, and the same Volodya comes to the club and not alone, but with a girl, satisfied, satisfied, says: “N.I., this is Lena, congratulate us, we will get married soon …” I remind him: “Volodya, it seems that not so long ago you developed some interesting ideas on the topic of the family …” He replies: “Yes, but we love each other so much! ..”