A cute child has become obstinate and stubborn? We tell parents what to do.
dad and mom together
Dads usually do not like to deal with very small ones. Well, dear dads, now you are needed: it is difficult for one mother to cope with a cute dictator.
You have a common position. Keep your differences to yourself, you will sort it out later, and with a child you should only be shoulder to shoulder. You are together!
Calmly and without shouting
Peace, only peace! If you yell at a child, you harm yourself: your screams help the child to yell back at you.
All experienced trainers know about this: if a cute puppy runs to you to play and will now jump on you, expressing his joy at the meeting, in no case shout at him and do not talk to him. Your «Stop!», «Fu!» and «No!» just add energy to the puppy and help him get your clothes dirty and tear your tights. Silently turn sideways to him. He will have nowhere to jump and he will stop.
So don’t scream. It is necessary — briefly and calmly explain the situation to the child: “You left the table, so you have already eaten!”. Already explained — do not react to the cries of the child, go about your business. And if you need to remove the child from the problem area, we take it and physically remove it calmly and without any talk.
Do everything calmly. Consider what is happening as a psychological training of your stamina. In the future, your endurance will be very useful to you!
The best fight is the one that hasn’t started.
The child wants everything to be his way. We don’t need solid fights, so when you can give in, give in. Walk forward. He doesn’t want to eat, so please don’t eat. He does not want to eat what they give him — please give him a choice, let him say what he wants. He wants something that is not there — shrug your shoulders, go about your business, and best of all those that will attract his attention and distract him from his grief.
Instead, you can
If something is impossible, but at least something is possible instead, tell the child about it. You can’t yell in the store, but you can yell right here on the street. Do you want to cry? — Please go cry in the next room. You can’t touch your father’s computer keyboard, but you can take this old keyboard, you will press it with your fingers, almost like dad.
Give in but don’t lose
There will be many skirmishes, and you should not lose in skirmishes. Therefore, immediately divide all only emerging skirmishes into two categories: “There will be no battle. We are not at war here. Long live the independence of the child!” or “Fight. We are fighting here. There’s a wall!» This or that decision must be made almost instantly, immediately, so that your position is immediately determined. You decided — you did. We decided not to fight — ok, smile. We decided to say no — the child was unlucky, there will be “NO” without options. As Margaret Thatcher said, «Ladies don’t turn.»
Worst of all, if you started a fight, but, unable to withstand childish tantrums, soon decided to give up. The child sees that his war tactics are successful, and next time he will fight even more boldly and fiercely. Therefore, yielding, know for yourself: “I am always stronger than a child. When it is really needed, I will always solve the situation!
Something still impossible
No matter how you give in, but something is still impossible. You can’t run a child onto the road under the wheels of cars — you can’t! You can’t climb on the windowsill, you can’t play around on the balcony and bend over the railing — you can’t, we don’t have spare children. That is, in any case, in any crisis, when we can and should say to the child: “No!”. You will do it, you will say it, you will get it done. Yes? Yes! And this means that you can, that you are not helpless, that if necessary you will show strength, and in any crisis you will achieve your goal.
What if it’s hysterical?
Hysteria is not scary, the main thing is not to teach that a child in hysterics wins you. If you know how to be calm, then the crying and screaming of a child does not affect you. If the child lies on the floor and kicks his legs, you will not be in a hurry to stop him: let the press work out! If a child screams very loudly, you are calm: you have a healthy child, everything is in order with his vital energy. Just as calmly you perceive children’s sobbing and crying: you understand that crying is energetic breathing exercises, and this is useful.
Nevertheless, the child should not be taught to tantrums, it is better to stop tantrums. How? Remember: crying you do not understand. So that the child can convey to you what he wants, teach him to ask you. Everything is simple. The child just started to whimper, cry, and you tell him: “When you cry and scream, I can’t understand what you want. Calm down, say okay, then we’ll figure it out.» Calm down, begin to speak calmly — if possible, go towards him, the correct actions of the child should be rewarded. If a healthy child gets everything he really needs, he will demand less of what he just wants.
Mom writes: “My daughter is 2 years old. He sits at his table and does something there. Everyone else is at the common table. All of a sudden, she starts screaming loudly. At first I can’t understand what she needs, she still doesn’t speak well. Then I make out the words: “I want to paint.” I mean paint with a brush. I look at her carefully and say: «Come to me and calmly explain what you need.» He comes up already without a cry, but very quietly: “I want to mow.” I answer: «Take a glass and go get some water.» I went for water, the issue is resolved.
What I don’t recommend
I strongly do not recommend persuading, begging, begging, and so on. First, it’s inefficient. Secondly, even if a child ever comes down to your requests and begging, it only means that he has become even less respectful of you. He became the elder, and you became dependent. More precisely, dependent, because persuading is a common female policy.
Those who persuade are usually the same who then break down and yell at children, or even kick their ass out of anger. Learn to speak with children confidently and authoritatively, I repeat once again — calmly, but never angry or cocky.
Well, the last two points. First: it happens that children pass the age of 2,5-3 years without any crisis. Do not be upset and do not worry, more often such exceptions to the rules happen to the best parents. And secondly, the crisis is not eternal, it will end soon. Children grow up quickly, and soon you will notice a calm mind in the eyes of yesterday’s buffoon.