Children don’t use the word problem. Growing up, children begin to actively use this concept when they need to worry, relieve themselves of responsibility and attract attention. For someone to help them. To do it not by him, but by someone else. If this becomes a habitual mode of action, an experiential personality is formed. Such people often come up with, or even create problems for themselves, thereby attracting attention to themselves.
Overheard conversation between two girls. The eldest (five years old) admonished the youngest (three and a half): “If you don’t want to do something, say that your heart hurts!” Everything starts from childhood…
You can watch with interest how others experience, if you understand why they do it. In particular, when it is clear: a person is worried in order not to pay (or pay less) for the damage caused to him.
download video
Indeed, people often create problems for themselves. They create objective problems: provoking others, straining relationships, delaying the completion of necessary tasks, violating agreements and the law. They create subjective problems: launching fears and showing ingratitude to people and life, taking what is for granted.
If I am sure that I have the right to housing, food and comfort, then I experience the absence of this as a problem. If I am grateful to life that I am alive, then I simply begin to think about how I can find shelter, food and a bed.
What is considered a problem and what is not a problem, people decide very arbitrarily regarding themselves and their own lives↑. If you wish, you can even make your own problem what is someone else’s problem, the problem of another person. Whether something is a problem or not — people usually solve it (consciously or not) themselves.
Or relatively themselves — under the influence of the suggestions of others, under the influence of their habits and their upbringing, and also in many respects in connection with certain benefits.
Problems are often created in a person because a person has uncritically adopted a problem thinking style, the habit of others (or members of his family) to see problems in everything, and not just natural difficulties or — once — creative tasks. Seeing problems in everything is characteristic of people with negative thinking, this is a characteristic feature of a neurotic, emotional personality. Describing their problems, such people ask a lot of questions about the reasons, not really looking for answers or not knowing what to do with these answers.
For example, “Why do I always attract people who need help to me?” — Well, the girl will receive an answer, and then what? «Maybe it’s me?» — Of course, in yourself. Why did you ask?
People often (albeit unconsciously) look for and create problems for themselves in order to solve some problems, to receive certain benefits.
Problems are not only troubles, problems can bring some benefit to a person from the other side. You can complain about life, you can refuse some previous obligations under the pretext of a problem or demand more from another person … See →
About the benefits of problems
Problems have at least two useful (interrelated) sides. First, no problem, most people start to get too relaxed and rot. Secondly, it is problems for most people that turn out to be the most energetic motivator, a source of movement. See →