The child is thirteen months old. For a month now, he has been courageously going to the nursery, as if to work. The first days were all the best. The child sincerely believes that this is another entertainment that you invent for him. Like a playground. Like a pool. Like a musical group. That he will play here with other kids, pretty aunts and, of course, with you.
The first days of his expectations are justified. But when the time came for him to be alone, all the joy of the new entertainment faded sharply. There was no need for new interesting toys, new aunts, new children, who are still better to watch from afar: they are all older and can take away any toy at once …
No, he is not hanging on the door with heart-rending cries of “Ma-ma-ma-ma!”, like some of his bandmates, he is quietly sad in the corner. He does not know that you are not yet completely gone, that you are hiding two meters from him behind the door. After all, you say the fatal “Bye” and resolutely leave, which means you are gone! The child is accustomed to trusting you…
Over time, the child gets used to doing without you for the prescribed hour, two, then three, then all six. Starts to play. Starts eating. Starts to sleep. And all without you. And everything seems to be back to normal, and the teacher praises the child, how great he manages without you …
Only one problem remains: to give the child in the morning and leave. The teacher already tells you that you need to hand over the child and leave immediately. You understand everything perfectly. But you can’t help but stay in the morning for half an hour …
Every morning you solemnly swear that today you will introduce him to the group, short as a shot of «bye!» and you are no more. All pedagogical concepts are on your side, all the educators, all the scientists who have decided for this decade that this is better for the child …
And lo and behold! You lead an unsuspecting child by the hand to the group, he still smiles at you happily, looking forward to his legitimate half an hour in the morning, and you ONCE and “BYE!” to his very heart. And there is no you. And the teacher praises you for your prudence.
Only the next morning the trick needs to be repeated again … And here’s the catch. The child has already been taught by bitter experience. He no longer walks, beaming, next to you from the locker room to the group … He already literally hangs on his leg. A sort of living block of wood tied to your knee. Well, try to untie it. Just touch — a stream of tears. And here, even a science-savvy educator cannot do anything … The child has achieved his goal. Over the next few days, it is possible to reach a compromise between all three: you stay with him for fifteen minutes, and for this he only hangs on your leg half the time, and half the time he just holds you with his fist by the trouser leg, and with his freed hand he agrees to roll the typewriter along semi. But he already knows that you need an eye and an eye… You are gradually losing trust…
Gradually proven tactics stop working, because you still leave. What needs to be changed. And the baby doesn’t cry anymore. He quietly approaches you, puts his head on his knees face up and smiles … He no longer hangs on you, he just hugs you. He misses you, he gently strokes your leg, knee … He smiles at you to the very soul. And he doesn’t need words to express how much he will miss you if you get up and leave now…
And you get up and leave anyway. You take it off your knees and hand it to the teacher, who has been silent for the entire silent scene, but reproachfully shook her head in your direction, and shamefully ran away.
You win, but the victory is pyrrhic; Because he broke your heart. You leave, and his expression is stuck in your memory for the whole day. And you curse yourself all day for your cruelty.
The next day, everything repeats: he again puts his head on your knees and gently strokes you. But you are still under yesterday’s impression. And you sit with him for an hour and a half instead of a compromise quarter of an hour. After all, he has found control over you: as soon as you get ready to leave or open your mouth to say a heartbreaking “Bye!”, And he again presses your knees to the floor with his smile. And you are diligently watching, so that God forbid you do not meet the eyes of the teacher, stroking him in response …
Today he won. Today you just don’t have the moral strength to get up and leave…