For 10 years now, a new direction in science has been developing — positive psychology. Its representatives explore ways in which everyone can not only reduce their degree of unhappiness, but become happier. One method that these psychologists particularly recommend is to simply write down in a diary—several times a week for a few minutes—everything that gives us pleasure.
When you write a book, sooner or later there comes such a wonderful moment when all that remains is to write thanks. This is the moment I love most, and during the long months that the book is born, I often think of it as my distant goal. And now it has come: everything that should have been said has already been said, all ideas have been stated, all figures have been verified, and the list of cited literature has been numbered. The world of abstract concepts and the world of stories that once happened disappear in a haze. They give way to what is alive here and now, the relationships that bind me to others. With all those who have enriched my book and those who have enriched my life.
For 10 years now, a new direction in science has been developing — positive psychology. Its representatives are exploring ways in which everyone can not only reduce their degree of unhappiness, but become happier. One method that these psychologists particularly recommend is to simply write down in a diary—several times a week for a few minutes—everything that gives us pleasure*.
Most often, we are talking about very simple things: a well-prepared dish, a bike ride on a sunny day, an unexpected smile on the face of a saleswoman in a store. Since this exercise draws our attention to what makes us happy, the mere fact that we regularly write down these positive experiences significantly improves our mood and we feel life satisfaction.
However, Professor Martin Seligman, one of the leaders in this field, prefers to the «gratitude diary» another exercise, in his opinion, even more powerful: writing a letter in order to say «thank you» to another for everything that he gave us in life**. It takes mental courage to write such a letter.
The courage to release your emotions to give thanks not only with words, but with all your heart. We also need to take care of the plot: remind the one (or the one) who helped us when we needed it, what exactly he (s) did, and tell in detail what it meant to us. For example, say: “I’m already completely desperate. I did my best to pass this exam and still failed it. And you took me with you to the village for the whole weekend; you listened to me, you told me about your own failures at my age, you reminded me that I have resilience and strength.
You gave me confidence in myself. If not for you, I would never have dared to try again. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time how much it meant to me at that moment. And just a simple “thank you”.
Rage, envy and fear in our soul struggle with gratitude and love. what we feed will win
But Seligman goes further: he advises to personally deliver the letter to the addressee and read it aloud to him. It is unlikely that it will be possible to refrain from tears. But these will be tears that speak of human intimacy. Tears that feed our lives. When I worked with an Indian doctor in Pittsburgh, who was also a bit of a shaman, he told me this story: an old Indian tells his grandson that in the soul of every person there are two wolves, between which there is a war.
One of them embodies rage, envy, pride, fear and shame, and the second — tenderness, kindness, gratitude, hope, joy and love. The alarmed boy asks: “Which of the two wolves is stronger, grandfather?” To which the old Indian replies, «The one you feed.»
* R. Emmons, M. McCullough «Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-being in Daily Life». Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 2003, vol. 84 (2).** M. Seligman «The New Positive Psychology». Sofia, 2006