Contents
The mechanism of rapprochement can be described through the metaphor of flowing water. Here comes the heavy stream. He rests against a barrier, stands in front of it for some time, accumulating strength, then breaks through the barrier and rushes on with redoubled energy. Until the next barrier.
So is rapprochement. People, «walking» towards each other, bump into barriers (usually internal) and for some time crumple near them. True, unlike water, people can retreat, deciding that the barrier is too strong (read — not finding the courage to take another step forward).
But if people do not retreat and — attention! — both step over the barrier, euphoria sets in. Over time (a completely individual term), the euphoria passes. Or does not pass — if people approach very quickly.
Actually, it is this euphoria that makes falling in love so attractive and attractive (or, if not only love, then certainly — the value of euphoria is VERY high). Love is largely supported precisely by rapprochement.
Stages of rapprochement between men and women
Now about what stages can be distinguished in the rapprochement of a man and a woman (I write in the language of the result; and only large, noticeable moments — there are others that are part of those described below):
- We look at each other.
- We talk to each other (spend time together).
- We touch each other, but not in an erotic way
- We touch each other in an erotic way (we kiss).
- We’re having sex.
- We spend a lot of time together (several days continuously).
- We live together.
Tellingly, the stages of rapprochement are coming to an end. The last stage looks like this: we are getting closer bodily. In other words, a man is calm about the fact that his woman, although a princess, poops not with butterflies.
It seems that it is the termination of rapprochement that kills falling in love. Moreover, it is equally killed by both the refusal to approach each other (when people stop taking steps towards each other), and the complete passage of the “distance”. And this is — I’m not afraid to say — natural. That’s the way it should be.
Having ceased to get closer, people sometimes do not experience euphoria and on this basis they diverge. Because without euphoria, building relationships is much more difficult — the work begins. Everyday work (however, the word “creativity” has been dearer to me lately).
And those who manage to survive the disappearance of euphoria and the emergence of the need for work, get a chance to live together happily ever after.
And you know what’s the most amazing thing? Turns out you can get closer too. But now it’s different.
Rapprochement methods
Bridging the gaps. Over time, if you do not make an effort, the intimacy in a couple becomes less (if, of course, you can say so). People start moving away because of work, habit, problems, friction, and so on. Accordingly, you need to make some efforts to get closer again. In this case, there is a high probability of experiencing, albeit not strong, but still euphoria from rapprochement. Probably, it’s familiar — they somehow quarreled, walked, pouted, thought “But shouldn’t we part?” Then they suddenly decided, approached, started talking … And such a relief, such a joy!
However, it is hardly worth quarreling on purpose in order to overcome the wall of alienation later. This is again some unhealthy behavior.
Conversations. You can also get closer in a simpler way — by talking. For example, in our family, about once a month, there is a long conversation at night. And there are no special reasons. It’s just that both want to talk — this, in fact, is the moment of rapprochement.
Therefore, dear male colleagues, you don’t have to make noise, they say, they went to bed, and she is here with conversations. A woman, as the more sensitive half of your couple, feels that you are moving away and seeks to get closer. I believe that in such a desire one can only support and thank her.
Clarification of painful moments. You can also get closer through the clarification of painful moments. Let’s say something is annoying. You can sit down and talk about it. Not for accusations, of course, but precisely to clarify, resolve and eliminate everything. Again, the output will be a very pleasant feeling. And if you also hug, it’s completely cool.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.