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Almost all of us at least once had a colleague who kept trying to get our attention. His e-mails were always marked “URGENT!!!” – that’s right: capital letters and a lot of exclamation marks. He contacted us during non-working hours or during breaks and demanded that we drop everything and take on his “burning” project. His affairs and cares were always more important than ours. Such people interfere with our lives and steal our time. It’s time to learn to say “no” to them.
Most likely, you yourself understand that for the sake of your own peace of mind you must set boundaries in dealing with obsessive people, but at the same time you worry about how not to lose a normal working relationship. How to do it? First of all, it depends on who exactly constantly requires you to do “urgent” work.
Colleague
If your colleague panics when a project is due, remember that you can’t control his reaction, but you can control yourself. “Stress and anxiety are contagious, but so is calmness,” explains clinical psychologist Monique Reynolds.
“Many are hesitant to object when they are required to do something urgently. This behavior is based on fear: “I have 15 more cases, but I can’t refuse him, because he might hold a grudge against me or think I’m incompetent,” Reynolds explains. If you recognize yourself in this description, the next time this person makes an “urgent” request, pause for a moment to respond consciously, rather than obeying the first instinctive reaction.
If a co-worker’s persistence is causing you physical symptoms of stress—adrenaline rush, heart palpitations, or an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach—breathe deeply and take a short break to calm down. Monique Reynolds also advises the following exercise: “Look around, notice 5 things, then listen and pick out 4 sounds, then 3 tactile sensations, 2 olfactory sensations and 1 taste.” This exercise allows you to return to the reality of the present moment and transfer control from the emotional part of the brain to the rational part. After that, you can think about how best to answer.
We all perceive urgency differently. What’s urgent for one is just another item on the to-do list for another.
In a calm state, you will be able to clearly define your boundaries. It’s not about you “failing” or “not working fast enough on a project”, it’s about your personal work rhythm.
“Don’t be afraid to bring the situation to the attention of your line manager,” advises HR specialist Elayne Varelas. – This can be done tactfully, without accusing the colleague who rushes you of incompetence: “I need help. [So-and-so], it seems, does not have time and demands from me to urgently do [work], but this is impossible in such a time.”
You have the right to ask a colleague what terms were discussed initially: “And when did you get this project?” Do not rush to agree, find out the details – this will help you understand whether the work really needs to be done urgently.
“Try to rely on the facts – what exactly should be done and why. We all perceive urgency differently. What is urgent for one is just another item on the to-do list for another,” recommends career counselor and social worker Sumaya Essac.
Client
“If you have to break bad news to someone outside your company (for example, a client), it’s better to start by recalling the positive aspects of your cooperation, and then explain what difficulties prevent you from performing at the highest level. For example: “I really enjoy working with you, and we are doing great. But so that I can do everything with the highest quality, please place orders in advance – not a day, but three days, ”advises Elayne Varelas.
Thus, you make it clear that the problem is not in you and not in the client, but in the delays in the production process. Ask the client what deadlines he considers reasonable and how satisfied he is with your deadlines. Make it clear that emergencies do happen, but they cannot become the “new normal” and happen regularly.
“It is important to clearly define the normal rhythm of your cooperation. Emergency, urgent work can only be a rare exception,” emphasizes Varelas.
Chief
In most cases, we cannot directly refuse to comply with the demands of superiors. But if you are constantly overloaded with work, do not be afraid to say so, because chronic overwork threatens to exhaust you. “Bosses should not expect that you will always complete any task in the same time frame. You should be able to say, “It will take me so many hours,” explains Varelas.
Make it clear that any urgent work means that everything else will temporarily fade into the background. Ask the boss what he would like to get first of all: “I’m ready to do it right now, but then I will have to delay [the project]. “At the same time, it is desirable to show that you understand the urgency of the task and are ready to complete it,” the expert adds.
In the best case, your boss will adequately perceive your comments. If this does not happen, it may be time to think about changing jobs.
It is important to make sure your boss understands your situation. To do this, you can introduce him to your current priorities. “If you are given an urgent task, you should be able to say: “I am currently working on [the task], I understand that the matter is urgent due to [reasons]. If I do it now, [other work] will have to be postponed until tomorrow – is it okay?”, explains Sumaya Essak.
If the reason for the constantly arising “hands-on-hand” is unreasonable demands from the employer, for the sake of your own mental health and well-being, it is important to discuss the situation with your superiors. “In the best case, your boss will adequately perceive your comments and show understanding. If this does not happen, perhaps it is time to think about changing jobs, ”the expert believes.
You yourself
If you yourself notice a tendency to see “urgency” everywhere, it may be time to rethink your work priorities. Monique Reynolds advises asking yourself, “Is this really a real rush or am I rushing myself just because I don’t like it when I have unfinished business and I don’t have enough stress tolerance to distribute responsibilities?”
Do you understand that the second is true? Then think about how many career opportunities you are losing because of these limiting beliefs. Those who are only focused on getting things done as quickly as possible often lose sight of the big picture, larger and more meaningful goals.
If, on the other hand, you constantly rush your colleagues and require them to complete tasks in an emergency mode, think about how your behavior affects the effectiveness of teamwork. Don’t forget that your team’s resources are not unlimited. If you use 90% of these resources to complete an “urgent” task, your colleagues are unlikely to be able to effectively do anything else.