Congruence is the consistency and proportionality of the elements that form a whole. In practical psychology, congruence is the consistency of certain elements of a person’s life, primarily the correspondence of external expression to internal content.
In this sense, they talk about the congruence (or incongruence) of verbal or non-verbal information, the congruence of his words and his deeds, the congruence of his state and what he shows to others, the correspondence of his life values and how a person lives in reality.
Congruence is one of the manifestations of authenticity. “Congruence is when you live, speak and breathe in accordance with your values and goals, with who you are” — Lidia Markovich Rosati. A person is calm inside, he is calm on the outside — there is congruence. A person does not diverge his words and deeds — this is congruence. The correspondence between what is said and how it is said is congruence.
On the other hand, inside a person has jitters, and outwardly he demonstrates confidence. If you notice it, it’s his incongruity. Or, the teacher explaining the material asks if the student understood him or not. The student may nod in response to «Understood,» but the tone of his voice or the look in his eyes may cause the teacher to doubt it. The teacher sees the incongruence.
Congruence is an evaluative concept, it is always an evaluation from the outside and always an interpretation. If you feel like something about a person doesn’t match, you can talk about incongruity. Although, perhaps these are just your projections, interpretations, or just ignorance. Before accusing another person of incongruence, it makes sense to look for more positive interpretations of what you are observing.
Is all congruence good?
No. If a person has low values and, in accordance with this, lives in a mode of chaos or laxity, he is cogruent, but you hardly want to be with this person for a long time. Bandits are congruent, but few people are happy about it.
Congruence sometimes conflicts with business efficiency. Congruence as a right and a need to express outwardly uncontrollable emotions, especially if it is inappropriate and no one needs, goes to the detriment of the cause.
Is it necessary, is it right to show your fears and insecurities during a speech? The practice of public speaking says — no, this should not be done.
The requirement of congruence does not always correspond to everyday realities.
Situation: you are surrounded by the Middle Ages, you live surrounded by the Inquisition, and at the same time your values differ from strictly Catholic ones. Will it be reasonable and adequate to live as if the Inquisition does not exist, to live congruently with one’s views and values? You can hardly blame Copernicus and Galileo, who, for the sake of their life’s work, were sometimes cautious and did not fully satisfy the requirements of congruence.
Congruence and personality development
Congruence can and should be the goal of personality development, but in the process of development, the demand for congruence is more of a hindrance. The development of a personality is always the assimilation of new forms of behavior that are not familiar and not characteristic of the former ones, and the discrepancy between the former self and the emerging self, the new self, is a natural discrepancy.
A gloomy person learns to smile — at first his smile will be unnatural and forced. This is normal, as a stage of growth. It is important to reach a level where your smile will not be external natural, but will become an expression of your inner joy and goodwill towards people.
Development begins with incongruence, but must end with congruence.