For some men, using it means taking care of their partner. To others, it seems that the condom creates alienation in a couple and spoils the pleasure. Why such a difference of opinion?
Condom use, like sexual behavior in general, is a completely individual matter. It seems that the situation is simple: if partners have a trusting relationship, the “condom moment” and the conversation itself, as a rule, are not difficult.
And when they don’t know each other too well, a condom is the safest and most obvious way to prevent infections and unwanted pregnancies. But the individual psychological characteristics of men create obvious difficulties for some of them in this matter. Someone does not accept the very idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXba “gum”, the other just as resolutely does not want to give it up. And often the source of such categoricalness does not lie in the sexual sphere. “So, intimacy after a long friendship or romantic relationship can be … stressful for both,” says family therapist Inna Khamitova. – Having lost an erection at the moment of putting on a condom, a man will most likely avoid it in the future for fear of feeling his failure again. But the real reason for the failure is not at all in the condom, but in the psychological characteristics – anxiety, suspiciousness, self-doubt, or rather, in one’s own potency. The anxiety associated with putting on a condom only makes things worse.”
Men over 50, due to objective physiological reasons, experience more difficulties – they cannot be as confident in their erection as 30-year-olds. But the main difficulty for everyone is the feeling of guilt for not being able to keep it for a long time. Bravado (“I am a real man, and contraception is not my concern!”) Is the other side of insecurity.
For those who are inclined towards it, it is important to declare their significance, to emphasize masculine qualities. The rejection of the condom looks like an attempt to convince yourself and others that the “real macho” does not need protection. Many, experiencing a lack of thrills in everyday life, have a craving for “extreme”, which also manifests itself in sexual behavior. “This can be expressed in neglect of health, one’s own and one’s partner,” says Inna Khamitova. – The risk of infection makes the sensations more acute, and the absence of a condom serves as an additional stimulation.
The other extreme is the desire to use a condom even in the most reliable and long-term relationships. Men prone to this often do not trust their half (and themselves too) and unconsciously strive to keep the situation under complete control. Sometimes the partner tries to lead the “male side” of sex, take the initiative and help the man cope with the task. But delicacy is needed here: if the partner is used to the role of leader, the result may be negative.
Some women underestimate the complexity of the male sexual nature, regarding the ability to have an erection as an almost mechanical phenomenon. A condom can help them understand that this is not the case. His “transparent mask” allows you to recognize the personal problems of a man. To be convinced of this, it is enough to read the sincere stories that we have heard and recorded for you.
Helper or enemy?
Dmitry, 20 years old, student
“I dated a girl for three months and we wanted to switch from condoms to pills. But I abandoned this idea – and I did the right thing: then I found out that she was cheating on me. I will decide to have sex without a condom only if I am one hundred percent confident in my partner.
Sergey, 26 years old, musician
“The very moment of putting on a condom annoys me. In the process, it does not particularly interfere, but while I put it on, the whole mood disappears. Therefore, I often prefer deep petting: you can get satisfaction without any “rubber bands”.
Ilya, 34 years old, fitness instructor
“If you swing with gloves in the gym, there is no contact with the iron. And sex in a condom is the same: absolutely not the same sensations. Of course, when a one-night stand, it’s better not to risk it, but if I can refuse a condom, I do it. ”
Roman, 46, businessman
“My sexual habits changed when a friend died of AIDS. Now for me, putting on a condom is like washing my hands. I lead a far from monastic life, and the condom is an important part of it.
Alexey, 58 years old, graphic artist
“Since I was widowed, I have not had a permanent relationship – so, three or four casual relationships. And they are more important conversations, romantic surroundings, a sense of mutual interest than sex as such. A couple of times I had to use condoms, but I lost my erection. So in the future I will try to do without them.