In physics, the principle of complementarity was stated by Niels Bohr: it is the principle “according to which, the two descriptions, particle and wave, of quantum objects, are not contradictory, but complementary“. If the image is a little technical, the meaning is no less clear: in fact, complementarity designates a modality of interaction, where, in a dyad, the behavior of one partner complements the behavior of the other. . In a couple, this type of relationship can be synonymous with a harmonious functioning, and one can have the feeling of a unity despite the differences: there is an exponentiality of the two characters due to this complementarity … But, finally, the Wouldn’t symmetry be more of an egalitarian relationship?

The American ethnologist and psychologist Gregory Bateson, founder of the Palo Alto school, was the first to highlight and describe the notion of symmetry and complementarity in relationships between people. The Palo Alto school brings together various researchers, of varied scientific origin, who at one point in their existence worked in Palo Alto, a small town in the outskirts of San Francisco. They worked on three main axes: communication theory, change methodology, therapeutic practice. The Palo Alto school has, in particular, defined the notion of rules of interactions.

It was first of all the American socio-psychologist George Herbert Mead who introduced the notion of interaction in the human sciences: “It showed, writes Alex Mucchielli, professor of information and communication sciences, that the ego exists only through and in social interactions and that the very process of thought is interactionist in nature since it finds its source in the progressive ability to adopt the point of view of others«.

Therefore, the approach of the Palo Alto school is based on the premise that it is impossible not to communicate. And thus, complementarity is a model of interaction, in which, as sociologist Stephan Haefliger writes, “the relationship is based on the recognition and acceptance of difference; the partners adopt contrasting behaviors, adjust to each other«.

The imaginary characters of Laurel and Hardy could easily be presented in the light of complementarity … Perhaps even the Lumière brothers, inventors of the Seventh Art, have also used the full range of their complementary geniuses to develop the way to capture these moving images that we could then project on the big screen …

And the Dardenne brothers, Jean-Pierre and Luc, are they complementary? The two prodigy brothers of social and realistic cinema hardly hide, in any case, their complicity: “On the set we both do everything“, Slips one, interviewed on France 24 for the show A poster. The other completes: “Once in two, there is one who is rather in front of the monitor and looks at the shot, and the other who is with the actors. ” Then, they invert… The result is always enriched by their reciprocal qualities, whether or not they are qualified as complementary, or whether they can be judged as symmetrical: films that make “vibrate things in you that you did not know, that upset you“…

The adage is well known: opposites attract … But it can also seem very pleasant to live with a person whose tastes are similar to ours! There is, in fact, no answer to the question of whether happiness is found in complementarity, because the question is, ultimately, specific to each couple …

It seems very accommodating to be in a relationship with someone who “compensates” for your faults, and for whom you have the same role. We will obviously evoke Plato here, and his myth of the androgyne: a being who had eight limbs and had both sexes, both woman and man. But which was cut in two, by Zeus. And Plato writes thus, in Feast “when the body had been divided, each, regretting his other half, went to her“. They then kissed and hugged, one in the other with the desire to merge together …

A complementary couple will be able, in this way, to feel unity despite the differences, and to have the sensation of an exponential energy, which would be generated by this complementarity. It will also have to find points of convergence: the relationship can thus be strong, constant and lasting. You will inevitably be stronger with each other …

As early as 1954, psychologist Robert Winch published several studies in which he demonstrated that “as far as psychological needs were involved, husbands and wives complemented each other“. Following it, in 1965, Sluzi and Beavin defined complementarity as relational reciprocity characterized by the inequality of one of the spouses or participants. In fact, in this type of interaction, one occupies a position of inferiority while the other places himself in a position of superiority.

Finally, a complementary relationship can be harmonious if both partners accept their position, confirming that of the other. The ideal is perhaps then, in the complementarity, to establish a flexible complementary relation: this one allows each of the two to pass in turn from the low position to the high position, in particular according to the type of. information exchanged. Thus, still considers Frédéric Demarquet, “within the framework of a company, two people with different skills can discuss a common project“. Alternate positions: an alternative to the danger presented by the complementarity of one of the two sliding permanently into a position of inferiority!

Ultimately, more than complementarity, perhaps it is the symmetry that it is good to find in the couple: thus, Claire Dufresne, who studied psychology in Quebec, indicates that “symmetry corresponds to a mutual exchange characterized by equality“. Frédéric Demarquet, coach, adds: “in a symmetrical relationship, everyone can discuss the content of the information of the interaction, everyone can give their opinion“. This can, therefore, “result in a very creative relationship with a constant exchange of information” as well as “the co-construction of a relationship and an interesting achievement“. For a symmetrical relationship to be satisfactory, in fact, it is essential that each of the two partners respect each other.