As the name suggests, nonviolent communication is a method of communication based on qualities such as empathy, compassion, and respect. If it is not a therapy strictly speaking, it nevertheless allows to help the development of its qualities in order to obtain more peaceful relations with others. NVC aims to improve well-being with others, but also with oneself. It is learned through trainers or coaches and can be applied on a daily basis, in family and at work, with strangers as well as with relatives.

The CNV method

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a method of creating relationships between human beings based on empathy, compassion, harmonious cooperation, and respect for self and others. It is a communication tool, mainly verbal, which can be used to resolve conflicts between two people or within groups. The practice of non-violent communication would also make it possible to be in better relationship with oneself, to better understand its deep needs and to take charge, in an autonomous and responsible way, the various aspects of its own life.

It is therefore not a therapy, but it can have interesting therapeutic benefits.NVC as its name suggests is a communication technique: Non-violent or benevolent communication insofar as it is based on objectivity, the expression of his feelings / feelings / emotions, respect for his basic needs and the ability to ask others in order to maintain a good relationship / communication.

A short history of Non-Violent Communication

During the 1960s, in a context of racial and socioeconomic conflicts, Marshall B. Rosenberg began to apply his method to various American communities working to restore harmony in schools and various public institutions. It was strongly inspired by the work of the American psychologist Carl Rogers (1902-1987) who pioneered the person-centered approach. In 1984, the successes obtained with his approach led him to create the Center for Non-violent Communication with the mission of disseminating and promoting non-violent Communication throughout the world. In 1999, he published Nonviolent Communication: A Language of compassion, translated into French under the title Les mots sont des windows (or walls), which presents his method in a very practical and concrete way.

The daily integration of the principles and ways of doing non-violent communication would achieve a state of compassion that can facilitate conflict resolution. Indeed, each party knows that it can meet its own needs while maintaining a spirit of mutual collaboration; it is the win-win principle. Even if one of the interlocutors has no notion of non-violent communication, the simple fact of applying this communication model in a scrupulous and honest manner would inevitably bring the relationship on a more harmonious ground and would favor the resolution of conflicts.

Nonviolent communication could be beneficial to anyone who wishes to communicate with more authenticity and efficiency, that is to say almost everyone … In practice, 2 types of people are likely to benefit in particular . First of all those who, when they feel upset, tend to let themselves be overwhelmed in spite of themselves by their emotions (guilt, anger, closure, rejection, judgment, shame). Then, people who may regularly be confronted with potentially aggressive interlocutors, such as the police, civil servants, caregivers or even teachers.

Parents will also find it a valuable tool to improve the quality of their communication with their children. At the same time, they will be able to transmit empathy, harmonious cooperation and respect for themselves and others. Non-violent communication can also help couples resolve conflicts or improve the quality of their relationships.

Finally, we should mention that, despite its simplicity, the method requires a good dose of determination. Indeed, it takes a lot of exercise and diligent application before nonviolent communication becomes second nature and one can, especially in tense situations, apply it spontaneously without falling back into old models of communication. .

There are 4 principles that we can remember in mnemonic by the acronyms: OEBD which means as follows the 4 main steps to follow to learn NVC:

• Observation: stay on the facts, must have an objective view of the situation (setting aside our judgments and evaluations).
• Emotions: ask the question “What am I feeling here now?”, Identification of the feelings aroused by the situation (by differentiating them from our interpretations and our judgments).
• Needs: idem then ask the question “What is my need?”, To identify it and above all recognize it in conscience and simply. Identification of the needs linked to these feelings (deep aspirations, motivations, etc.). Often times we are cut off from our needs while listening to them allows for a different understanding sometimes of what is at play in the relationship and therefore our communication.
• Request: make a clear, benevolent request to our partner or the person with whom we are in a relationship, which allows the 2 to interact. The condition, indeed, is to let everyone express themselves according to them, but the dialogue remains open and the discussion over the course of the practice more calm, neutral and benevolent. Formulation of a request to meet these needs (presented in a positive, concrete and achievable way).

Understanding it and remembering it may seem simple. The practice is all the more important as we rarely communicate from oneself, from one’s “I” and from the expression of one’s feelings or feelings and needs.

Today there are approximately 300 certified trainers and thousands of nonviolent communication practitioners around the world. They work with individuals who want to improve their relationships with themselves and with others. They also help resolve conflicts in various organizations: schools, businesses, health care, public administrations, prisons, etc.

Certain health professionals, psychologists, psychotherapists or other interveners, after having followed a basic training in non-violent communication, use it in their professional practice.

The non-violent communication coach

The role of the CNV coach is multiple. In a tense professional environment, he can, for example, defuse the problem with the help of exercises based on dialogue and let go. He can then teach employees to communicate differently. This is only one example among many possibilities, but in addition to being a teacher, the coach must be a mediator and have enough intuition to feel the benefits of his teaching between individuals in order to adapt his speech. and its exercises.

Non-violent communication courses

All over the world, trainers certified by the Center for Nonviolent Communication present courses of varying duration (from 2 to 4 days) with the aim of exposing the basic principles of the method and providing participants with the Opportunity to practice the techniques taught. In a less formal way, there are also practice groups (4 to 20 people) whose members meet on a regular basis, without the assistance of a certified trainer. We systematically put into practice the techniques of non-violent communication with the aim of being able to apply them afterwards as soon as the need arises.

Become a coach

There is no professional status attached to the practice of non-violent communication. Everyone who has been introduced to this method, whether through internships or through reading Rosenberg’s book, is encouraged to apply the techniques in their personal and professional lives.

However, the Center for Nonviolent Communication certifies trainers in order to ensure that the method is transmitted and disseminated in its entirety and that the initial spirit is respected. It is not a permanent certificate, equivalent to a diploma, but a certification renewed and updated each year. Those interested in obtaining such certification should have worked for at least 40 hours with one or more certified trainers and have taught nonviolent communication as uncertified trainers for at least one year.

In my support, I often use this method which represents a real tool for my clients in their day-to-day relationships, whether professional or even personal.Communicating Coach and Sophrologist, I transmit to them the 4 basic principles summarized by the famous OEBD (Observation / Emotion / Need / Demand) and work them in practical cases with them so that they can both understand and grasp the difference while training.

What is interesting with NVC is that we change our posture: more attentive to ourselves and to what is happening, but also to listening to the other and to what is playing out in the situation. It can help relatively timid or timid people who are not used to expressing what they feel or want.

This tool is for sure a method of repositioning us in a lower position (versus a high position, “I know…”, “I’m right…), and which allows us to see and experience our relationships and communications from another angle, more neutral, benevolent with respect for his needs and for others. Our feelings are so many keys to be able to adjust communication with others over the course of our discussions or to meet our basic needs.

I particularly appreciate this method and work on the expression of his feelings thanks to sophrology also based on the expression of these and their awareness. Thus, the habit is progressive and as I recommend it: at the beginning, it can be good to train on small situations without big stake in our daily life to apply these new principles. And regularity giving rise to new reflexes, when we encounter a more delicate situation, I would say, we have these new principles in mind, favoring active listening, factual observation and expression and respect for each other.

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