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We can no longer imagine life without messaging in a variety of messengers. But do we think about how this service affects the quality of our communication?
The ability to quickly contact the right people, be in touch with loved ones, get the right information in time … and this is not all the advantages of communicating in messengers or via SMS. But are we always aware of its disadvantages? Here are five aspects of virtual communication that are destroying us, and we do not even notice it.
1. We find it difficult to understand each other
The most important part of our live communication is non-verbal ways of communication: tone of voice, facial expressions, postures and gestures. In text communication, emoticons are called upon to compensate for their absence. But to tell the truth, they cope with this task not too successfully.
As a result, we often fail to convey or capture the true meaning of the received message.
A smile emoticon does not mean at all that our interlocutor is having fun, perhaps he sent it out of politeness, and your joke actually seemed stupid to him, or to cheer us up, although he himself is now sad and not laughing.
The text itself is even more difficult. A joke that in person would sound like a charming tease, as a message, can be bewildering or seem rude. It does not cope well with the task of conveying emotions and grammar. Five exclamation marks or “HAHAHA” written in capital letters are not so convincing.
To tell the truth, we do not always correctly interpret the non-verbal “signals” of the interlocutor even in personal communication – texting creates even more distortions.
2. Messages mean different things to men and women.
Women are sometimes ready to correspond with their girlfriends for hours. At the same time, they are upset or offended by the fact that for some reason they fail to involve a partner in this continuous texting.
The reason is that men and women perceive communication differently. As many studies have shown, men mostly use it primarily to transmit information. After that, it seems to them that there is nothing more to talk about.
And a woman needs communication in order to create emotional intimacy. So for her, communication is potentially endless.
For men, the way to create emotional intimacy becomes a joint activity.
This is the root of the misunderstanding between the sexes when it comes to messaging. Long texting is just communication for the sake of communication. If a man does not write messages to his partner as often and with the same enthusiasm as she does to him, then she begins to feel that she is not interested in him.
In her interpretation, this is a reluctance to establish an emotional connection. Whereas he would rather take an evening run with her or watch a movie together.
3. False sense of power
When we talk about power, we usually mean the ability to influence or control the behavior of others. In this case, it manifests itself in the fact that you can make someone wait for a response to his message. In the course of online communication, there is often an undercover struggle for power.
Every time we send a message, we understand that we may be ignored. In many cases, this does not bother us. But if the situation is emotionally charged, everything changes.
If we send a message to a partner asking for forgiveness and there is no response, we feel abandoned.
The longer the silence, the stronger these feelings and our anxiety, the more power over us becomes the one who deliberately does not answer. In a word, there is scope for the manipulative behavior of one or both partners.
4. We offend a friend with petty lies.
“Sorry, I didn’t see your message”, “Did you send me a message? I didn’t receive”, “Sorry, I was busy, I didn’t check the phone.” Most of the time this is a lie. We all look at the phone, because the phone is also an alarm clock, and a notebook, and e-mail, and a news source, and a camera, and a weather forecast.
Of course, there may be real reasons why we do not answer: we were at a performance or lay down to sleep. In principle, if a person prefers real life to virtual one, this can only be welcomed. That’s just not to notice the message is extremely difficult. Your interlocutor cannot prove that your excuses are lies, and he has to swallow it and feel stupid.
5. Endless conversation
In real life, a conversation has a beginning and an end, which cannot be said about communication in instant messengers. As in a tennis match, many people are texting non-stop all day, making sure the score is 1:1.
It is often unclear how to end such a conversation? Maybe when one asked a question and the other gave an answer? Or when it “feels” that the conversation is over? But this feeling does not always occur simultaneously in both.
And then one of them, not having received a “return ball”, will feel that he was abandoned or neglected
And is it good to stay connected all day long? Our beloved will not miss us, will not wonder: “Where is she now? What is she doing?” No, he is always aware of all our affairs, he seems to “live” invisibly in our pocket or purse.
This non-stop communication does not allow us to be alone. But it is simply necessary for a person to stay alone with himself from time to time. University of Massachusetts psychologists Christopher Long and James Aferill came to this conclusion in their study, showing that periodic solitude helps spiritual growth and a better understanding of oneself.