Communication culture for teenagers

Teenagers do not like culture, but they still have their own culture. How to make the culture of teenagers more cultured? What to teach your teenagers, how to communicate with each other? Here are some thoughts on the subject.

Scope: here we are talking about the communication of teenage children within the same family. Two brothers. Brother and sister … Street communication of teenagers from different families is not considered here.

Teenage children often quarrel over seemingly nonsense: “Why did she tell me that! And why did he push me!”, but for them these little things are really important, and they still do not know how to respond competently to conflictogens. Meaningful parents can very well (and with great benefit to overall personal development) teach their teens to respond to each other in a more nurtured way — in the way that adults and respectful people do.

Of course, you need to start by living in such a way that your life is a model for children. Secondly, you must have authority for children, your children, in principle, must listen and obey you. If they don’t put you in a penny and live a life separate from you, how will you teach them at least something? Thirdly, adolescence is not easy, and if your children are in a difficult teenage crisis, you need not to improve their culture, but to help them cope with the problems that have piled on them. However, families are not only problematic, but also of high quality, and this article is for them.

Meaningful parents in a quality family teach their teenage children the following things to communicate with each other.

If there is a hierarchy in the family, everything is quite simple:

1. The Elder (brother or sister) is responsible for everything. If the younger is to blame for something, the older is responsible for it. The main concern of the Elder is to take care of the younger ones.

2. The younger ones obey the Elder. All disagreements are resolved by the one whom the parents have appointed senior (in this matter and the issue). If the parents have not appointed anyone, all issues are decided by the eldest in age: as he decides, and correctly. Be sure to obey the elder.

3. First you did it, then you discuss it. But you can be warned. If you disagree with the Elder, you can warn him that you will bring the issue up for discussion with your parents. At the same time, if the Elder repeats his order, you carry it out.

4. If you are the Elder and the Younger does not obey you, you can act within the framework of what your parents allow you to do. If the permitted punishments do not help, you relieve yourself of responsibility and report what happened to your parents.

If in a family relations between children are built on an equal footing, the rules are different:

• We don’t react to trifles, we don’t answer gu.e.st gu.e.st.

If they pushed you, they said something offensive to you, they hurt you in one way or another, you can’t answer in response — shout, accuse, shove, and so on in response. They allowed what happened to happen, they remained alive, well, don’t pout and don’t stir up a quarrel, it’s better to apologize yourself (yourself) — most likely, there were reasons on your part. Learn to skip the little things, we don’t react to the little things! It’s another matter if an obvious gu.e.st sounds in your address, or we are seriously learning the culture of communication, how well-mannered people communicate. Then immediately —

• Pay attention to yourself.

Pay attention to your words to be heard. If they look at you and wait for an answer, pause expressively. If you push, they have already passed you, then call out: “Hey!”. Actually, it’s not very polite, but a polite «Can I have you for one minute?» for adolescents, it is often not at all typical and not habitual.

• Give someone else a mirror.

In a calm and kind way, pay attention to what the other has done to you. “It so happened that you pushed me with your elbow. It was unpleasant for me ”or“ You asked where I put your headphones … Tell me, is this a reproach? Is this an accusation?» It is highly likely that he simply did not see it, did not notice. He did his own thing, but he simply did not pay attention to you. If you immediately apologized for this, it’s good, and the issue is closed. If not —

• Make a request for the future.

Important — make your request feasible: understandable, specific, and easy to make. “I have a request — to clarify all issues without reproaches and accusations, in a calm manner. Fine?». “If you need to pass, and I’m standing on the road and it’s completely inconvenient for you to pass, you just tell me, I’ll naturally move away, or even better, I’ll help you. Good?».

• Finish smartly.

If the request is accepted normally, they rolled out for a benevolent continuation. If objections begin, start negotiations and agree when and where you will discuss it.

If you cannot agree and resolve the issue among yourself, parents (and other authoritative elders) can be connected to the disassembly. This is not a snitch, but a responsible act, since the RULE OF ACCUSATIONS begins to work: “If an accusation of the other side was made in the disassembly, the punishment is inevitable, but who will be punished, the adult will figure it out. If the accusation is just, the other side will be punished. If it is unfair, the one who came out with an unjust accusation will be punished.

So think before complaining and blaming.

How to teach?

Teach — as a rule, only gradually and methodically. It is better to break it all into parts and demand not everything at once, but point by point or in fragments, so that the matter is feasible and that it works out.

For example, at first to confirm the first point: “We don’t react to trifles, we don’t answer to gu.e.st gu.e.st.” Explain, repeat, hang a reminder ad. If necessary, use the «Stop» rule. When this is learned, it is useful to work out requests, «Make a request for the future.» Show, let them repeat, show in other situations, let them repeat again — they will gradually understand and accept. Points “Pay attention to yourself”, “Give another a mirror” and “Complete competently” can be gently prompted last, when the essence is already understood and learned.

Once again: all this concerns, first of all, communication within the family. It seems unrealistic to extend these requirements to communication at school, where communication norms are set not by parents, but by the school. That is, first of all, the children themselves. And within the family — we can do a lot. We suggest, support, praise our loved ones and talented ones — but we stand like a wall in the fact that this is already mandatory, it is no longer possible in another way. Sooner or later, it’s time to grow up, it’s time to accustom yourself to culture, and now is just the right time!

What do you think, colleagues?