Contents
Before the baby is born: we anticipate
Before leaving for the maternity ward, we try to anticipate the return home with the baby as much as possible. Today, the stay in the maternity hospital is shorter and shorter. Barely after giving birth, you are at home, physically and emotionally tired, sometimes with elders to deal with.
To be cooler during the first few days, prepare for your return home before leaving for the maternity ward. And we count on the dad, in the front line! Because at the very end of pregnancy, we are often a little … slowed down! So we delegate as much as possible to daddy, to the girlfriend who comes to see us… for shopping, cleaning, etc.
Daddy’s side, her paternity leave allows her to be by our side for 25 days, to which are added the 3 days of birth leave.
- We fill the freezer with ready-made meals, which we will be very happy to find when we return from the maternity hospital.
- We prepare a memo for the dad by writing down the important things to do while we are away: wash our clothes and those of babies brought back from the maternity hospital, buy milk if we are not breastfeeding. (The reference will be provided by the maternity ward.)
- Under certain conditions, we can sometimes benefit from a housekeeper before our arrival. Find out more on the Caisse d’Allocations Familiales * website or at the town hall.
Coming home with baby: the essentials to bring
For the baby
- We wash and organize the bodysuits, pajamas and bras by size.
- For the first few days, we buy two packs of size 1 diapers, cotton squares, a washing gel, as well as a thermometer. We plan two bottles and a bottle of water, even if we are breastfeeding. You may need it if you have to stop breastfeeding. “Today, bottles can no longer be sterilized and are drunk at room temperature, so it is not necessary to provide a sterilizer and bottle warmer,” advises Anna Roy.
For mom
- We may not want to put back the clothes we have worn during our pregnancy. we select “transitional” clothes while waiting to find our size: wide pants, a large cardigan, shirts if we are breastfeeding, a nursing bra.
- In the bathroom, store sanitary napkins, a nursing cream, a firming body massage cream, etc.
- If we feel like it, we go to the hairdresser before the maternity ward, because we will have less time after!
Testimony: “My mother came to help me for 15 days. It was great ! “
I left the maternity ward four days after Raphaël was born. I was very tired and confused because I couldn’t breastfeed. Fortunately, my mother came to help me the day after I returned. She stayed by my side for the first two weeks. She would arrive in the morning around 9 am, and would leave when my husband came home from work. She took care of all the domestic logistics, she took care of my baby when I was taking a nap and never criticized my way of doing things with Raphaël. I was completely confident, which allowed me to believe in myself, to make the right choices and to recover physically. “
Constance, mother of Raphaël, 1 year old
With baby, we take the time to discover ourselves …
You are back home with your baby in your arms. The great adventure continues, the very one that began nine months ago. “This is a new chapter which opens in this story of attachment,” notes Zoé Piveteau, clinical psychologist in Montrouge. Face to face with this newborn, the mother will get to know her baby through moments of sharing such as changing, suckling, falling asleep, and looking at each other.
As for the baby, he saw a second move there! The first is the passage from a life in utero to an extrauterine life, the second is this arrival in this new place, his home. He needs to be reassured, to be enveloped in tenderness, to bury himself in your scent to be in the known, ”she continues. For Isabelle Palacin, psychoanalyst in Paris, the role of the mother is to cushion the shock between these two worlds. “In the mother’s womb, the fetus does not need anything, everything comes to it without it having to claim it, but when it arrives in the world, it is a total rupture. The baby discovers hunger, cold, noise, air… He is totally dependent, it is a source of anguish. The more we meet his needs, the more he will have confidence in the relationship that is established between him and his parent, ”she explains.
Forming the link is therefore to plunge your gaze into his, rock him in your arms, tell him his story, that of his brothers and sisters if he has any, tell him that you are listening to him and there for him. . Take advantage of this parenthesis to simply go in the direction of life, understand his sleep rhythm, decipher his tears, his facial expressions and his first smiles to the angels. It is the time of attachment. At first you will grope, stammer, and then adjust very naturally to his request. These moments of intimacy for two, and three with the dad, and more if there are elders, are essential in building this relationship. So warn those around you that when you return from maternity, you will remain calm for a few days and that the visits to the baby will be made a little later, when you are rested.
“The dad also has his place”
It is a real partner for the mother, tired from the return of diapers and breastfeeding.
The father can relieve his partner by taking over the care and ensuring the logistics. He can also get up at night to change the baby, burp him, rock him… This is also how he will meet his baby, that he will create this unbreakable bond.
It’s also up to dad to look encouraging for his wife, to tell her that he is very proud of her and to support her as much as possible.
Zoe Piveteau, clinical psychologist
Back home with baby: we get help
Anna Roy **, liberal midwife, follows the mothers at home on their return from the maternity ward and recommends that they get help to keep them going. “Under the pretext of being at home with her baby, the mother tells herself that she will be able to take care of the house and the other children if there are any. In reality, maternity leave is made to recover on the physical level and discover your newborn baby. She must therefore agree to let go, to live more slowly and accept help, ”she advises.
- Keep your habits by keeping the nursery or the nanny for the elder. If you are a stay-at-home mom, call on the service of a babysitter or a close friend or relative to pick up the older ones after school and help you with baths and meals. Tell your children in advance of the organization that will be set up when you return.
- Plan, apart from daddy, a “resource” person in whom you trust, to whom you can entrust your baby for a nap or a shower, who does not judge you, in front of whom you can hang out in your pajamas and also relieves you of any constraint material without asking for anything in return. It could be your mom, a super friend, a sister, a brother …
- You can benefit from a home visit from a midwife: “When you find yourself at home with your baby, you have many questions and fears. The midwife helps to make the transition from motherhood to home. She is there to give advice on childcare, help breastfeeding and also listen to the mother to reassure and allay her fears, ”says Anna Roy. Check with the Health Insurance *** which offers personalized home support after childbirth (PRADO).
* www.caf.fr; ** Author of “Welcome to the world, confidences of a midwife”, ed. Leduc.s. ; *** www.ameli.fr