Comfort or Influence: How to Find the “Right” Psychologist

People come to a psychologist in order to change and improve something in a particular area of ​​life. Changes can occur in your attitudes, thoughts, emotional state and behavior. These changes directly depend on the ability of the psychologist to influence, which means that the first thing you need to pay attention to when choosing a specialist is how much he is able to influence what you will think, feel, say or do as a result of conversations. The effect of interaction with a psychologist also depends on your ability to endure this or that degree of pressure and discomfort.

To understand why psychologists create comfort and discomfort at all, imagine a four-octave piano keyboard. Based on the approach proposed by the American psychologist and psychotherapist James Bugental, all practicing psychologists and their means of influence can be divided into four groups or «octaves».

First octave. Psychologists who «play» on the first octave use listening, understanding, acceptance, empathy and support. They follow you, the bulk of the conversation falls on you — unless, of course, you need help in getting you to talk. At the first octave, the pressure is minimal. Psychologists of this octave have an empathic style of communication, they are comfortable with them. They are especially good if you are emotionally fragile, in need of comfort and need to “warm up” and talk out.

second octave. Psychologists who play on the second octave are more active. They not only follow you, but also guide you, interfere with what you say. The psychologist may, for example, encourage you to become more involved in emotions, lead you to important but rejected feelings or topics, and as a result you feel some pressure, although you are still in control of the conversation.

third octave. On this octave, the interventions of the psychologist are more frequent, which means that the intensity of pressure is higher. Periods of active intervention by the psychologist may alternate with listening. The psychologist does not do for you what you can do for yourself, and this can be frustrating. Using experience and position, a psychologist can «push» you to feelings, thoughts, actions, words that cannot be achieved otherwise than with some pressure.

fourth octave — the maximum degree of pressure on the client. Psychologists of this octave bring their feelings, values ​​and judgments to the dialogue. Sometimes they almost “take over” the session, and sometimes they make rare powerful interventions to the point of disapproving of your actions, views and intentions.

Representatives of all four groups have their strengths, unique opportunities and admirers, but there are also limitations. Depending on which octave the specialist “plays”, something can turn out better or worse for him.

So, lively and active psychologists do not like to work on the first octave for a long time. It can be difficult for them to listen for a long time, not to interfere, to use only empathy and acceptance. They are closer to focusing on changes in the client’s life and the result. They can actively use the first octave when building a working alliance, but then they mainly stay on the second and third octaves.

Psychologists of the first octave may be less able to stimulate changes in your life, but you will be grateful to them for their softness and warmth. Perhaps you did not have enough of them in your parental family, and it is in them that you now need.

Octave XNUMX psychologists are process-oriented, empathetic, and caring, but they find it harder to bring about cognitive, emotional, and behavioral change in a client’s life. Fear binds and sometimes prevents them from voicing their vision of reality or true feelings. And this is very appropriate.

Psychologists of the third octave have to control their activity, to clarify how tolerable for the client of his intervention, whether he is acting like an elephant in a china shop.

Psychologists of the fourth octave may not be careful enough or too provocative if they are not able to play on other octaves. However, they are indispensable when working with some personality disorders, because they are courageous, determined and resistant to the manifestations of clients with psychopathy.

Selective use of the fourth octave is appropriate in the work of any specialist. For example, in a situation of domestic violence, a psychologist can and should inform the victim that physical abuse is a crime. Such an intervention is definitely an uncomfortable message that creates tension and sounds like a challenge. However, such justified pressure is intended to cause a revolution in consciousness.

In countries where psychological counseling and psychotherapy are developed and flourishing, there are almost no psychologists of the fourth octave: experts only selectively use it as an instrument of influence. Excessive provocativeness is a purely Russian phenomenon.

The “correct” psychologist is the one who can “play” on all four octaves, easily moving from one to another, and effective therapy is a virtuoso combination of comfort and discomfort, frustration and support, otherwise therapy can become lethargic and ineffective. To be exceptionally empathetic and supportive, as is sometimes expected, is to risk losing the opportunity to deepen the work.

Think about what kind of psychologist you need: empathic and caring or active and lively. Observe how comfortable you are with the psychologist and how he is able to influence your feelings, thoughts and behavior.

Clients often make excessive demands on psychologists. It is no coincidence that there is a turnover “tyzhpsikhologa”, suggesting perfection and omnipotence. This may be why it is difficult for many to accept that experiencing discomfort in psychological counseling is absolutely normal. And it is absolutely natural to leave the psychologist full of ideas and experiences — there will be something to think about for the next hours, weeks and even months.