Contents
Why co-sleep?
If co-sleeping is still practiced in many societies, in the West, things have changed a lot: at the beginning of the XNUMXth century, we went from a model where everyone slept in the same room for lack of space and search for warmth, for a new cultural model, where parents sleep in their rooms and children in theirs. However, co-sleeping has experienced a comeback for the past twenty years, driven by a more “natural” approach to first contact with the baby.
Close contact with the baby is essential
The desire to co-sleeping depends a lot on the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. If, pregnant, we feared for the life of our child, if the delivery was difficult, if it is premature, or if it had to be hospitalized for example, we can feel “dispossessed” of our baby. . Co-sleeping can be a way to make up for this lack. This need for contact with his baby can also be expressed by skin-to-skin contact during the day: you can rock him, sing lullabies, take him with you during naps.
The first months, a desire to merge with baby, even in his cradle
It is normal to be in a period of fusion with your baby for the first 3 months. This period of fusion is particularly essential for the well-being of mother and baby after 9 months of symbiosis! This amorous honeymoon, which the pediatrician Winicott called “primary maternal concern,” lasts about a hundred days. The message is clear: if you feel the need to have your baby next to you, you have to respond! It can be beneficial during the first months that the child and his mother are in the same room, or even that the child is in the parents’ bed, that he hears, feels, reassures himself, and vice versa. But this can of course also be done in their own bed.
Why can co-sleeping be dangerous for the baby?
The main danger indicated by detractors of co-sleeping is the suffocation of the child by one of the parents when he is in a deep sleep phase (especially if he is taking sleeping pills). The baby is also at risk of suffocation under a pillow or duvet. There is also a risk of falling from the parents’ bed, reduced by installing a safety barrier.
Which bed, mattress and fitted sheet to buy for the sleeping quarters?
The so-called “side-bed” beds appear to be a good intermediate solution: these “co-sleepers” cradles are attached to the edge of the parental bed and generally have a safety barrier. They thus allow the child to sleep in his own space, while being close to his parents! In this context, we favor a mattress the size of the baby’s bed, in order to avoid there being a gap between the mattress and the structure of the baby’s bed, in which it could get stuck. Ditto for the fitted sheet, which therefore measures on average 50 x 90 cm.
Not too great a concern, however, even if you choose to put your baby in the parental bed: the risks mentioned above are often overestimated. No study has indeed been able to prove them. On the other hand, taking alcohol or sleeping pills, which lowers parents’ vigilance, is listed as a risk factor for an accident.
In any case, if you choose to co-sleep, you must respect these safety rules:
- do not place the baby on the edge of the bed
- not sleeping with a pillow or duvet, which could cover the baby
- always place it on your back, in a sleeping bag or sleeping bag
- as soon as the baby is able to turn around and move around, place him in his “co-sleeper” bed, alongside the parental bed, installing a safety barrier
Is co-sleeping better for baby’s sleep?
While many studies insist on the need for a newborn to be surrounded by his parents to feel safe, he does not necessarily need to be glued to them. In addition, co-sleeping can disrupt your sleep if you are constantly on alert, disturbed by the baby’s sounds, or if you are worried about choking him when he sleeps in the parents’ bed. The safest situation for the child for the first 5-6 months is that he sleeps in his parents’ room but in his own bed. If your child does not seem to suffer from insecurity, if during the day he has plenty of parental presence, cuddles, etc., he will be perfectly fine in his cot. There is no reason why he should feel more abandoned and unhappy there.
Co-sleeping and sexuality of the couple
If it lasts beyond the first few months, co-sleeping can complicate the couple’s sexuality. Of course, it is always possible to imagine sexual relations in places other than the parents’ bed, but this requires organization, freedom and availability, which we do not always have. as parents of a very young child!
When is the best time to stop co-sleeping?
It should be kept in mind that in general, the more the child grows, the more difficult it can be to leave the parents’ bed. Four, five, six months therefore seems to be a good average to fix the essential separation that will allow the baby to become independent. To facilitate this transition, we can, for example, institute reassuring separation rituals at bedtime.