Contents
The pluses and minuses of the co-sleeping
Security
The first reason put forward by detractors of co-sleeping is the risk of serious accident for the baby. Adult beds are indeed not suitable for toddlers. They can fall, get stuck between the mattress and the headboard, suffer from hyperthermia if they are too covered, etc. To avoid all these dangers, there are special cradles for co-sleeping that attach to the parents’ bed. If so, ban soft mattresses that promote suffocation, remove pillows, cushions and blankets, and add a barrier so your baby does not fall. The incidence of shared sleep in sudden infant death syndrome has never yet been demonstrated by a sufficient study. However, two risk factors seem obvious: alcohol intake and the absorption of drugs that lower parents’ vigilance.
The practice of breastfeeding
The main advantage of co-sleeping is to promote breastfeeding. Sleeping right next to your baby means you don’t have to get up, pick him up from his room, and then wait for him to fall asleep again before going to bed. The mother only has to bend down to give the breast. You don’t even need to turn on the light and sometimes the feedings take place in a half-sleep which causes less fatigue. No wonder then that mothers who sleep with their babies breastfeed longer than those who sleep separately. This sleeping method is thus widely defended by the Leche League (association dedicated to the promotion of breastfeeding).
The quality of the child’s sleep
A large study published in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics found that there was no correlation between co-sleeping and sleep disturbances. Sharing the sleep of his baby would allow him to be more serene, because reassured by your presence by his side, he would fall asleep more easily. However, after the first few weeks, this physical proximity can disrupt your child’s sleep because he perceives your breathing, the light, the comings and goings of his parents, even if he seems to be sleeping soundly.
The couple’s intimacy
After the first few weeks, the presence of the baby in the marital bed inevitably leads to a lack of privacy for the couple. The co-sleeping can also sometimes serve as an alibi to avoid resuming sexual intercourse after childbirth. Most shared sleep practitioners consider that it only takes a little inventiveness to preserve their privacy, for example by choosing settings other than the bed for their lovemaking. But we can doubt it when we think in particular of the fatigue usually caused by the arrival of a baby.
The autonomy of the child
Sleeping with your baby is quite commonplace in many countries, especially in Asia, where sleep is very often shared because of the small size of the houses. But, this sleeping method is less suitable in our society which values empowerment from an early age. Many paediatricians and child psychiatrists consider this habit harmful in the long term, because the child would need to have his own territory to be able to “cut the cord” and to perceive himself as an autonomous individual.
The well-being of parents
The motivation of parents to sleep with their child is often due to anxiety. A concern that seems quite legitimate the first few weeks after birth. The physical proximity reassures them because they can thus monitor their baby constantly. However, even if sharing moments of great intimacy with your child is necessarily very pleasant, this situation should not be prolonged to guarantee the independence of each one.
Baby’s age
Psychoanalysts accuse co-sleeping of causing a profound disorder in the child because of this close contact which creates a certain sexual ambiguity. It is indeed essential that the physical proximity be felt by your child as absolutely chaste. Children start to take an interest in everything related to sexuality quite early and enter the oedipal period from 18 months. It is therefore better to stop co-sleeping without delay in order to clearly draw the line between adults and children.
So what do I decide?
The recommendations of pediatricians are as follows:
-For safety reasons, it is recommended to keep baby in the parental room until he is 6 months old. Corn in his own bed or bassinet, next to the parental bed, or in a special co-sleeping bed, designed to hang on the parents’ bed.
-As far as possible, baby must then have his own room, or a corner created for him, with a screen for example, in the living room or in the bedroom of another child.