Codependency occurs most often where a person does not initially know “how to live”, “what is the mechanism for a successful life”. It is not clear how to live, it is not clear where, why, what will come of this … Maybe it’s not the ability to educate (a son), build relationships (with a husband or wife), logical errors, errors in self-acceptance. A person has not been taught to be successful — he has a fear of living his life.
Sometimes it seems that a person every day or in every situation that is controversial for him chooses: to live or not to live. Not to die, namely not to live. Rid yourself of the need to live fully, with tension, with development and movement towards something valuable for this person. The courage to take responsibility for everything: successes and failures, pain from failures or joy from success — such courage is not for everyone.
Codependents are people who have chosen not to live. At the same time, nature does not tolerate emptiness, and in place of that desire «not to live» comes a tendency to live someone else’s life.
Psychologists do not cope with this deep problem for the reason that they are working with people who have already decided everything for themselves, and have decided very deep in their souls. And then a conversation with a psychologist is just another way to save yourself from the need to live, and not to solve this problem.
The opportunity to work with these people will arise when codependents come to the conclusion that this is not their life, but their choice. And the choice can be changed… See →