Cinderella Syndrome

“There are many of you, but I am alone” — the unforgettable mantra of Soviet saleswomen is logically absurd, but full of vivid feeling. Of course, that is the job of a salesperson to serve a multitude of buyers. But in a spell, it is not the meaning that is important, but the pathos. This is a bitter complaint about fate, which put a good man in a bad place, deceived him, weighed him down on the distribution, gave him not what he deserved, and prevents him from showing his — by default implied — virtues.

Cinderella could utter these words, referring to buckwheat and millet grains scattered on the floor, or to dusty hares lurking under the benches. Midnight passed, the pumpkin was overripe, and all we have at the moment is annoyance about the fact that it would be right for us to be in a different place and do something else: “We should be dancing at the ball, but we are here with a broom …”

Saleswomen were prominent spokesmen for this idea—but not the only ones. Teachers with a dream of a flu epidemic for their students, doctors who are sick of the sight of patients, food service workers with a special expression on their faces “why-did-you-just-came-without-you-it-was-better”, workers from the breed of “would know the buyback, would live in Sochi «…

The end of the Soviet world did not close this list at all, as one might expect, but only shifted the emphasis. The waitresses have become friendlier, there is no need to curry favor with the plumber — but system administrators have appeared, and a whole generation of escapist managers has been born, who can hardly stand the hateful office and count the minutes before immersing themselves in a virtual environment where they can finally dance at their own ball.

How bad is Cinderella’s actual habitat itself? In any case, it is infinitely bad compared to the one they feel they were made for. The Cinderella syndrome has no gender boundaries: it is not the lot of princesses, in whose bed there is nothing more interesting than a pea, or potential queens who have been deceived about the pedigree of their husbands. This is the fate of all who live with the feeling that their real place is not here-and-now, but there-and-then. And who is not attracted by the thought of taking a step towards their own dreams … and, in fact, why on earth? After all, Cinderellas do not sew dresses for themselves, they do not make carriages, the fairy godmother must provide them with all this.

The social boundaries of the syndrome are blurred. It’s nicer to think that someone else is always subject to it, less educated, more boring and not as worthy of happiness as we are … but it is quite possible that we are all a little Cinderella. By the way, this would explain why so many people have been repeating the proverb “it is necessary to bring down” for years and not moving.

Whatever happens around us, Cinderellas, is not entirely concerned. Because it’s yours, not ours. You stay and we stay, but our feelings are different: you are here forever, and we are only for a while, and it does not matter that this time can last as long as you like. We are here in body, but in soul in California, in a spacious house, with an annual income of 200 thousand … There-and-then everything happens at once, and on this side of the dream, the path is either long or thorny.

The secondary benefits of the Cinderella Syndrome are obvious: we get rid of feelings of hopelessness and gain a sense of superiority. But what are its origins?

Turning oneself off from one’s own reality is reminiscent of the dissociative personality disorders described in the specialized literature, some of which, in turn, are a reaction to psychological trauma. When an experience (violence, catastrophe, abuse) is too hard or unbearable, psychological protection is triggered: consciousness splits and anesthetizes the experience, forcing a person to look at everything that happens to him as if from the outside.

Who and how tormented us, you can not ask, the history of the Fatherland gives as many answers to this question as you like. Maybe, in general, the entire population of our country was divided according to the types of psychological defenses; some live in a state of denial — «I see no evil», while others split: «Everything is bad, but it does not concern me.»

But, returning to Cinderella, should she turn to reality? It is said that this is the only way to feel alive, to rejoice and to act. However, who knows what end the fairy tale will have if it ceases to be a fairy tale.

Should Cinderella marry a kind guy from a neighbor’s house, open a cleaning company, or keep a bitter and proud faith: either the ball is gone or it’s gone? What do you prefer, grandiose ideas or small accomplishments? So far, she has to sort out buckwheat and millet. Long hard work. Cinderella lays out grain after grain. Drives dust from under the benches. Humming, dancing in an embrace with his broom.