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VKontakte, Instagram and other social networks have become an unconditional part of the life of teenagers. Experts recommend that parents be close to their children when they take their first steps online.
For a week now, 12-year-old Roman has been denied access to social networks. Mom set up Parental Control on his phone and computer. “She claims that I am addicted to the Internet and that I communicate there, I don’t understand with whom,” the boy is indignant. As a result of social media withdrawal, Roman has become irritable and feels “isolated.” “But mom doesn’t understand this!” he complains.
The numbers speak for themselves: almost 80% of young Russians aged 10-16 say they have at least one account on social networks (according to the results of the EU Kids Online II international project in Russia “Russian Children Online: Risks and Safety” ). What resources do they prefer? VKontakte, YouTube, Instagram, WhatsApp, Telegram… Mobile apps are their natural habitat, a place where they sort things out, exchange news and impressions, have fun, learn.
How do parents react to this? Some, worried about the likelihood of addiction, cyberbullying and meeting with network perverts, demonize the Internet, while others, on the contrary, close their eyes to all the risks. Less than half of Russian parents are aware of their children’s activities on the Internet.
Between 20% and 50% are unaware that their child has encountered something dangerous or upsetting on social media. Experts are convinced that the task of responsible parents is to help children form healthy relationships with the virtual world in time. And this is quite achievable if you follow their recommendations.
According to the rules set by the resources themselves, registration on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube is possible from the age of 13, and on VKontakte from the age of 14. In reality, children create accounts on social networks much earlier, from 9-10 years old. Moreover, almost half of them believe that they navigate the Internet much better than their parents.
And adults themselves tend to think so. But this is a mistake. “Although modern schoolchildren consider themselves “advanced users,” this confidence is illusory,” emphasizes psychologist Galina Soldatova. “In terms of their competence in the field of web and digital technologies, they are almost on an equal footing with their parents.”
When creating an account together, explain that you should not post phone numbers and addresses there.
Children quite quickly master some skills on an intuitive level, but many of them do not know how social networks function, what is their economic and social meaning, what role does advertising play. You need to talk to them about this even before registering on social networks.
Ask them why they chose this app. What attracts them the most? Explain which links you can click on, which closed communities you can and cannot participate in, and why.
Help create your first account
This offer of help is a great opportunity to introduce your child to safety issues. “One teenager out of ten faces real experience of illegal actions, violence, theft and the use of personal information against him,” says psychologist Elena Rasskazova. “But many are at risk: one in three will go to meet an online acquaintance without telling anyone or only their best friend. And the same number of children write about themselves enough to figure out their place of residence, phone number and other personal data.
When creating an account together, explain that you should not post phone numbers (your and parents), home address there, and it’s a good idea to restrict access to the school number, class and last name. Remind that you need to protect yourself and when meeting with a virtual acquaintance – warn others, choose a crowded place. Check if the child owns social media security settings.
Participate in their online life
Many parents limit their children in the time they use the Internet, but few of them talk, advise, discuss the rules of behavior (as long as the children are ready to receive this knowledge from their parents). “Strict bans relieve risks, but not for long. Children find ways to re-enter the network, explains Galina Soldatova. “It’s much more rewarding to do things together.”
Show your child interesting podcasts (for example, to download music or learn English), video courses, explain why you can go online, what you should not do and why. Research shows that communicating with a child on social networks and warning about possible risks is more effective than helping him cope with the consequences of these risks.
“Many parents add children to “friends,” adds Elena Rasskazova. “However, such friendships only make sense if you find what to do together and how to communicate online so that the child and his friends are interested.” Otherwise, in the eyes of a teenager, it may look like shadowing him.
Independent work
Created as a textbook “Simulator” and “Workbook” for the course “Cybersecurity” for schoolchildren in grades 5-6 “(G. Soldatova, S. Chigarkova, I. Permyakova, Russian Word, 2018, 2019) can be offered to the child for independent study. These books will teach you to recognize online risks in time, successfully resolve problem situations on the Web, protect your personal data and manage it.
“Devirtualize” behavior on the Web
Do you want your child to be respectful and friendly online? Introduce him to the rules of online etiquette. Explain that anonymity on the Internet is an illusion and any action leaves a permanent mark. The virtual world is not a permissive zone where you can do whatever you want. And any illegal action there entails the same punishment as in reality.
Tell us how many manifestations cyber aggression can have: in addition to harassment (bullying), there are also harassment (stalking), the creation of hate groups (hating), the posting of provocative messages (trolling), and the incitement of disputes and public insults (flaming). And then there is sexting and grooming (establishing friendly contact for the purpose of sexual exploitation) …
Don’t spy on them: go to their “friends” under your own name
“Two out of three teenagers face cyber aggression on the Web, usually as observers,” says Elena Rasskazova. “One in ten becomes a victim or an aggressor.” How to understand that the child is faced with cyber aggression? “It’s more worth worrying if a teenager develops signs of anxiety, depression or irritability,” the psychologist notes. – If you notice that something on the Internet scares him, disturbs his sleep, try to discuss it.
Remind the child that your job is to protect him and that you can intervene in time to prevent the situation from developing negatively.” You can always complain to the resource developers and remove any offensive image or message on social networks.
trust them
The main defense against online threats is a trusting relationship that starts with acceptance and respect, rejection of prejudice and condemnation. Does it annoy you that your son or daughter spends a lot of time online?
Think about the valuable things kids learn online. “Social networks satisfy the teenager’s need for communication, contribute to the emergence of connections that are useful and important in the future,” reminds Galina Soldatova. — Today, every fourth student aged 13-14 has more than 100 subscribers in his social network. Such a circle of friends is equal to the number of social connections of an adult.
Social networks not only set the social circle of teenagers, but also influence their interests. Thanks to wide communication, children receive help, support and recognition of success faster. Do not panic if you notice that a child has two accounts – this is not proof of his illegal actions. In most cases, children simply want to protect their own world, as we ourselves did in our time.
Therefore, do not spy on them: come to their “friends” under your own name and, if something bothers you, talk about it openly, but kindly. Only when the child feels that your goal is not to punish, but to help, he will be able to turn to you in case of a difficult situation or danger.
The figures
10 years is the average age at which Russian children start using the Internet. In Moscow and St. Petersburg, this figure is 9 years.
45% of teens spend 1 to 4 hours online every day. Most of the time they spend on communication in social networks and instant messengers.
Almost half of children trust secrets to virtual, unfamiliar friends (45%). According to research by the Internet Development Foundation, children turn to a virtual friend for advice twice as often as to acquaintances (61 and 36%).
About the experts
Galina Soldatova – Doctor of Psychology, Corresponding Member of the Russian Academy of Education, Professor of the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University. M.V. Lomonosov, director of the Internet Development Fund.
Elena Rasskazova — psychologist, associate professor at the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University, co-author (together with Galina Soldatova and Timofey Nestik) of the book “The Digital Generation of Russia” (Sense, 2018).