When children do not know what a format is in relationships with parents, it seems wild to them that parents demand that children treat them with at least minimal respect.
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Format failure is not only the fault of the party that does not care about its format of behavior, but also of the party that allows the other party to behave unacceptably. If you don’t follow the format, if, in fact, you accustom yourself to the fact that you can be treated anyhow, without respect, then it’s already more difficult to change the habit that has arisen: people begin to perceive your demand for self-respect as an expression of your sick ambitions, your bad mood or screw it all up.
Watch a fragment from the movie «Age of Darkness». Dad takes his daughters to school (this is a chore for him, but he takes care of his daughters), the daughters do not consider it necessary to take care of the good mood of the father, to talk to him about something. No, everyone is busy with their own. Dad wants to turn on the music, the daughter grimaces with displeasure and in an unhappy tone demands that she stop this completely sucky classical music — she demands, but does not ask, because she turns away immediately, knowing that dad will not disobey her. Dad turned off the music — he didn’t hear thanks, the daughter is already smiling at someone else on her mobile phone. Dad is looking for a general topic «What do you have at school today?» — he was answered by silence, zero attention to him, the girls chew thoughtfully. Dad addresses seriously: “Girls, we need to talk!” The girls don’t hear it either. It’s like it’s not for girls. Here dad reacts sharply, namely, he brakes sharply, and pulls the headphones out of his daughter’s ears, demands: “We need to talk, okay?”, And in response he hears a friendly indignation: “Calm down, you hurt me, crazy!”
Yes, dad was too harsh, you can find fault with this. But the main claims to the pope are not that he is harsh, but that he did not teach children to respect adults.
Teaching children the format is part of the larger task of building and maintaining parental authority.
Like any habit, good habits in children are developed through repetition with positive reinforcement, and usually 20 to 40 days is enough time. However, it is not uncommon for parents to remind their children daily of the need to brush their teeth and do exercises in the morning, children reluctantly do this every time, but good habits are not developed — for years! What is the reason?
The reason is precisely that children do every time — reluctantly.
Let’s decipher: they don’t just go to brush their teeth, but do it with a disgruntled face and internal (or even external) grumbling. They do exercises emphatically lazily and displeasedly … What kind of skill do they actually reproduce and strengthen every day? They daily strengthen the habit of dissatisfaction with brushing their teeth and morning exercises, they reinforce the reluctance to do this daily, day after day they form the habit of not wanting to do it.
What is the conclusion? Follow the format: how children go to brush their teeth and how they do exercises. How? Cheerfully and with pleasure! This is exactly what you need to follow! Everything can be fun and efficient. You can read a fascinating story about how I taught my son to be reasonable in the second grade here.