Children’s negativity. Tips for parents

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Many parents are familiar with this picture: the child literally says everything and does the opposite. Moreover, it seems that he is acting out of spite on purpose. This can be encountered in the behavior of a preschooler, and even more so a teenager.

The kid is offered to go for a walk, but he cries, shouts that he wants to play at home. Can at the moment of irritation throw toys, objects at a person, anywhere. It can be capricious, gu.e.t, destroy something, or it can withdraw into itself. And often the reasons for this resistance are incomprehensible to others. This behavior is called negativism.

Why is the child protesting?

Negativism is a child’s resistance to influences, devoid of reasonable grounds (Pedagogical Encyclopedic Dictionary).

So the child protests against the circumstances of life, against the attitude of different people towards him: relatives, peers, other adults. Objectively, these circumstances or relationships may not be unfavorable. The main thing is how the child or teenager perceives them.

Often the reasons for this behavior are not obvious to others, because the child himself carefully disguises them. For example, anxiety and fear: “I can’t do it, it’s better to refuse altogether” or “I will look ridiculous.” Sometimes children protest against some life circumstances. This may be the birth of a younger brother or sister, a divorce of parents, a forced relocation, a change of school, etc.

In essence, negativism is a reaction to some unsatisfied need. For example, in understanding, approval, respect, independence. This is one of the ways to overcome a difficult situation, although not the most constructive.

They say about passive negativism when a child simply ignores our requests and demands. The active negativist tries to do the opposite of what is asked of him.

Parents often say that the child is stubborn. We can say that stubbornness is a weak form of negativism. And they are similar in behavior. But the reasons for such behavior are still different. The stubborn seeks self-affirmation. A negativist protests against an unfavorable situation for himself.

They also talk about such a trait as perseverance — this is the desire to achieve one’s goal in spite of obstacles.

A child can show negativism in relations with one of his relatives or with the whole family, only in the family or almost everywhere he appears.

Can anything be done about it?

The most universal means is to take into account children’s needs, desires, opportunities, and abilities.

Do not pass off your desires as the desires of a child or teenager. Try to understand his condition, mood.

More often, children’s negativism is a transient phenomenon. But it can become fixed and become a stable personality trait — if adults behave too harshly and the child constantly experiences emotional stress.

How to help a negative person?

In almost all children, parents note protest reactions at certain periods. There are so-called crisis periods of childhood — one year, three years, six-seven years and 13-16 years. A child (or teenager) at these moments tries to move to a new stage of his development, to take another step towards independence, to establish himself in his own eyes and in the eyes of those around him.

It is important to understand here: the child refuses to fulfill the request not because he does not want it. It is much more important for him to show independence, not to obey the will of an adult. By adopting flexible tactics, you will help your child not only avoid unnecessary conflict today, but also become more self-reliant and independent in his future adult life.

When raising a negativist, try to keep the following points in mind

• Rules should be clear to children.
• The child should have not only duties, but also rights.
• Communicate requests and reminders calmly but firmly. Irritation of an adult will only increase the negative reaction of the child to the ban.
• For any problems in the child’s behavior, keeping a diary helps. Firstly, observation helps an adult, as it were, step back, look at the situation more objectively, and reduce emotional intensity. Secondly, to understand what exactly causes a protest in a child. It rarely happens that negativism lasts from morning until late at night.
• The child needs to have a choice. Give him this opportunity. For example: “Are you going to shower or take a bath today?”
• Don’t punish your child just for saying the word «no». A child who does not have the right to object will not be able to defend his point of view in the future.
• It is worth paying attention to whether the word “no” sounds too often in communication with a child. Try to reduce the number of bans — perhaps some of them are unnecessary. Let the word “can” sound more often, denoting desirable forms of behavior. For example: “You can’t draw on wallpaper, but you can on paper.”
• Call on a sense of humor and play to help. In dealing with a stubborn baby, the opposite method can be effective: “Just don’t even think about going to bed at 8 o’clock today.” Or the game of boy-girl-“vice versa”: “Today you do everything the other way around when I ask you for something. And tomorrow I will become a “mom-on the contrary.” Some tricks won’t work — come up with something else. The main thing is to experience as many positive emotions as possible from mutual communication.
• Encourage activity, search for something new, independence. You do not want your son or daughter to grow up passive, dependent on other people, unable to make a decision?

Be patient and don’t expect immediate results. Just remember that this is a very important period in a child’s life.