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Oh, how many wonderful discoveries are sometimes prepared for us by an ordinary trip to the store with our own child! A calm walk along the shelves with toys and sweets often turns into a stormy performance of a beloved child with tears, falling to the floor, loud screams. At such moments, some parents have a desire to shake up the brawler properly, others urgently buy everything that the baby requires in order to stop the “noise attack” on the ears of others, others run away so that no one sees blushing with shame for a bad upbringing offspring ears … But, alas, none of the listed options will help to cope with children’s tantrums and prevent such manipulations in the future. Read about how to properly respond to public tantrums of your own and someone else’s child in our material.
What is a tantrum and how to distinguish it from a whim?
The older generation, that is, our mothers and grandmothers, often complain that overly emotional grandchildren simply adopt the useless habits of their parents. You can often hear that, probably, mom and dad allow themselves to break loose on loved ones, raise their voices, get annoyed over trifles, make scenes, and the child simply mindlessly copies the usual behavior pattern. However, children’s tantrums are a frequent occurrence in those families where it is generally not customary to openly show emotions. Emotionally complex processes are inherent in the child’s psyche in the same way as in the psyche of an adult.
Try to remember how you yourself justify your own vivid emotional reactions, screams and tears? Nervous tension associated with failures and external pressure, the desire to get something right now and in the form that you need, the urgent need to attract someone’s attention to yourself, make public your own problems and fears …
Of course, the list of causes of hysteria in an adult and a child may differ, because a lot depends on emotional maturity, readiness for a negative result, adaptation to circumstances and the desire to accept the norms of social behavior. A hysteria is distinguished from a whim by a greater range of causes, duration and intensity. Caprice is one of the ways to achieve what you really want, but for some reason is not available right now. This condition does not pose any health risk. On the contrary, it helps children to define the boundaries of acceptable behavior, prepares them for life in society. Naturally, only if one reacts correctly to these whims, without joining in the children’s «game on the nerves» as a participant.
Hysteria is, first of all, a proven and effective way of manipulating an adult, forcing him to make certain decisions. And, yes, many child psychologists, including the famous Dr. Komarovsky, are sure that the child is aware of his actions and is able to control himself in a hysterical state.
Theater of one actor
Confirmation of the above may be one of the prerequisites for children’s hysteria — publicity. The child will not be hysterical alone, where no one will see him and will not appreciate his acting talent. As grateful spectators, only the most sensitive to the behavior of the child adults are selected. Believe me, if dad does not rush to comfort the baby every time, does not try to pacify tears and screams with “offerings”, the child will definitely not arrange the scene “with the exit from behind the stove” with him. But a compassionate grandmother or mother will definitely witness the performance. How to avoid it? Here are a few rules of responsible parents, in which the child will not fall on the floor in the store more than once, because he will no longer be interested in lying on the floor without a proper reaction from adults:
- No double standards! The whole family must choose a single strategy of behavior. The child must understand that no one from the family can be manipulated.
- Be persistent, not paying attention to screams and tears at the moment of hysteria is the best solution. This is how you will make it clear to your child that it will not work to manipulate you in this way.
- Behave as if there is no hysteria, no need to defiantly be strict, loudly discuss the child’s behavior with other witnesses of his hysteria, publicly condemn him, intimidate him with an aunt-seller or a policeman.
- No deals! Do not offer anything to the child at the moment of hysteria, a compromise solution can be discussed with the baby after he calms down and can normally perceive your words.
- Be alert. Tears and screams can be caused by the child’s physical and emotional fatigue, thirst, hunger, or discomfort. Such an emotional message does not pursue any selfish goals, and therefore requires a quick reaction from an adult.
- Supervise the physical activity of the child at the time of the tantrum. A calm reaction to a tantrum does not mean complete indifference. One of the symptoms of a protracted crisis state is convulsive movements and muscle tone, if the child tries to inflict physical harm on himself, just calmly isolate any dangerous objects from him.
- Do not try to physically influence the child at the moment of hysteria, his reaction will be retaliatory aggression, most likely, he will scratch and bite, beat you and kick you.
If your child is not hysterical …
Probably, each of us at least once witnessed a child’s tantrum, the more unpleasant it was to watch the scene if it was not your baby who arranged it. Many witnesses of such emotional outbursts try to intervene in the situation, scare or calm the child. Doing this is absolutely not recommended! First, your reaction may be completely inappropriate. Secondly, by observing neutrality, you will prove to the baby that this method of manipulation does not work not only on relatives, but also on strangers. Thirdly, by getting involved in a childish tantrum, you create favorable conditions for its continuation, because the young talent has more grateful spectators. No need to loudly condemn, try to calm or scare the child, and even more so, you can’t condemn the actions of his parents in front of him, discuss their behavior!
Dangerous Consequences of Hysteria
Parents should seek professional help from a child specialist in the following cases:
- if hysteria is accompanied by respiratory arrest and convulsions;
- if the child is unconscious:
- if the tantrum becomes the cause of the child’s physical aggression towards himself or witnesses of an unpleasant scene;
- after a tantrum, the child complains of pain and nausea;
- he is tormented by nightmares or unreasonable fears.
By the way, sometimes hysteria is even useful. For example, when a baby is in an emotionally depressed state for a long time, which does not allow negative emotions to spill out. In this case, a sharp release of tension helps to normalize the emotional state and sleep.
If you can’t cope with children’s tantrums on your own, it’s better to contact a specialist, since correcting a child’s behavior is much easier than correcting the shortcomings of an adult, formed personality in the future.