Children’s emotions — a way to control parents

A small child needs a lot of things. As the Soviet psychologist Daniil Borisovich Elkonin said, the first word of any child is the word “Give!”, And it doesn’t matter what sounds it is framed in. From birth, a child learns to control his parents in order to get from them what he needs from them. But how can a child influence its parents? Your social emotions.

If a child wants to be in the arms of his mother, he reaches out to his mother. If mom doesn’t understand, he smiles at her. Usually this is enough, and the child is in his arms. If the mother did not take it in her arms, the child insists: whimpering, naughty, whining. The usually decent, sensitive mom gives up. If the mother is caught prepared and “you can’t take her with your bare hands,” the child turns on heavy artillery. Scream, cry, he is shaking all over … A rare mother can resist this.

If the mother wants to remove the child from the handles, the child decides whether he will allow it to the mother or not. If he doesn’t allow it, he will stop her: you can be sad, you can whimper, you can cry loudly — he picks up what works on mom, which is enough for mom.

​The fact that babies smile to control their parents, I argued 15 years ago, but it was not until 2014 that scientific studies were conducted that confirmed this experimentally. Studies by American experts from the University of San Diego have shown that babies smile for a reason, but for a specific purpose: specifically so that adults start smiling back at them.

Do parents know everything that is written in this article? For the most part, they know. Or guess … All parents agree that children control their parents with the help of emotions, master them masterfully and hourly test their parents for strength. The problem is different — few parents do something to correct the situation.

The XNUMX-year-old daughter of my friends from dad is a rope maker. Mom is strict and the child behaves well with her. And you can say to dad “I’m offended, I don’t love you,” and dad immediately fulfills any desire of his daughter.

Development of the social emotions of the infant

The influence of a baby on parents is limited, in his arsenal there are only innate emotions. The baby has honest needs: the baby more often insists on what he really needs. If the parents do not control the infant, the infant controls the parents. See →

The skill of crying a child from 1 year to 3 years

The child has different needs — both honest and invented. The child masterfully manages his crying. The child cries, honestly to whom and for what. The child masters tantrums. See →

Mastery of the emotions of a child from 3 to 7 years

The child plays with emotions and learns to use them. If you do not manage the situation, children learn first of all the negative. Children are masters of emotions. See →

Degradation of the child’s emotions

As an amazing variant of development, somewhere from the age of four, parallel to the growth of mastery of emotions, children begin gradual degradation, abandonment of mastery, and the development of stereotypes. There is a gradual rejection of freedom of choice, of awareness, responsibility and arbitrariness. See →