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Anxiety is commonly referred to as an increased tendency to experience apprehension and worry. In some situations, anxiety is justified and even useful: it mobilizes a person, allows you to avoid danger or solve a problem. This is the so-called situational anxiety.
But it happens that anxiety accompanies a person in all life circumstances, even objectively favorable ones. That is, it becomes a stable personality trait.
Such a person experiences constant unaccountable fear, an indefinite sense of threat. Any event is perceived as unfavorable and dangerous.
An anxious child is constantly depressed, on the alert, it is difficult for him to establish contacts with others. The world is perceived as frightening and hostile. Gradually, low self-esteem and a gloomy view of their future are consolidated. In this case, we are talking about increased anxiety.
Where does the increased anxiety come from?
— If at home, in the family there is a constant anxious and suspicious atmosphere. If the parents themselves are always afraid of something and worry about something. This condition is very contagious, and the child adopts from adults an unhealthy form of reaction to everything, even to ordinary life events.
— If the child lacks information (or uses false information). Try to keep track of what he reads, what programs he watches, what emotions he experiences. It is sometimes difficult for us to understand how children interpret this or that event.
“However, anxious children can grow up not only with anxious parents. The authoritarian style of parenting in the family also does not contribute to the inner peace of the child. Parents who do not doubt and do not worry know exactly what and how to achieve from life. And most importantly — what they want to achieve from their child. Such a child must constantly live up to the high expectations of adults. He is in a situation of constant intense expectation: he managed — he failed to please his parents. It is especially difficult for a child if the demands and reactions of adults are unpredictable and inconsistent.
The authors of the book «Emotional Stability of a Schoolchild» B. I. Kochubey and E. V. Novikova believe that anxiety develops due to the presence of an internal conflict in a child, which can be caused by:
- Contradictory demands made by parents, or parents and the school (kindergarten). For example, parents do not let their child go to school because they feel unwell, and the teacher puts a “deuce” in a journal and scolds him for skipping a lesson in the presence of other children.
- Inadequate requirements (most often overestimated). For example, parents repeatedly repeat to the child that he must certainly be an excellent student, they cannot and do not want to come to terms with the fact that their son or daughter gets not only “five” at school and is not the best student in the class.
- Negative demands that humiliate the child, put him in a dependent position. For example, a caregiver or teacher says to a child: «If you tell who misbehaved in my absence, I will not tell my mother that you got into a fight.»
Experts believe that at preschool and primary school age, boys are more anxious, and after 12 years — girls. At the same time, girls are more worried about relationships with other people, and boys are more worried about violence and punishment. Having committed some “unseemly” act, the girls are worried that their mother or teacher will think badly of them, and their girlfriends will refuse to play with them. In the same situation, boys are likely to be afraid that they will be punished by adults or beaten by their peers.
What should be done to prevent anxiety from becoming a stable personality trait in your child?
— If possible, of course, control your reactions to various life circumstances. Learn only the necessary safety measures. Not to present the world to the child exclusively as hostile, where misfortunes lie in wait for him at every step.
Don’t turn a child’s life into a constant struggle for achievement. Your approval is due to him not only as a reward for success, but simply because he is yours. Constant fears, anxiety will not help, but rather prevent him from achieving something significant in life.
Sometimes children do not speak directly about their disturbing feelings. They behave noisily, try to attract the attention of children and adults with clown or hooligan antics. They need understanding and sympathy, and they achieve the exact opposite result with their behavior.
Some children tell fantastic, fictional stories about themselves. Or they constantly ask for the help of adults, trying to occupy them exclusively with their special. Others show excessive friendliness to adults, too concerned with winning the approval and sympathy of others. Everyone always agrees. Sometimes adults are satisfied with the last option of behavior — the child’s effort to earn the recognition of others. But after all, this emotional dependence can persist even when the child grows up.
How to help an anxious child?
It is very useful for such a child to attend group psycho-corrective classes — after consultation with a psychologist. The topic of childhood anxiety is well developed in psychology, and usually the effect of such activities is tangible.
One of the main ways to help is the desensitization method. The child is consistently placed in situations that cause him anxiety. Starting with those that only slightly excite him, and ending with those that cause great anxiety and even fear.
If this method is applied to adults, then it must be supplemented with relaxation, relaxation. For young children, this is not so easy, so relaxation is replaced by sucking candy.
Dramatization games are used in work with children (in a “scary school”, for example). Plots are selected depending on what situations disturb the child the most. Techniques for drawing fears, stories about their fears are used. In such classes, the goal is not to completely rid the child of anxiety. But they will help him more freely and openly express his feelings, increase self-confidence. Gradually, he will learn to control his emotions more.
Try one of the exercises with your child at home. Anxious children are often prevented from coping with some task by fear. “I won’t succeed,” “I won’t be able to,” they say to themselves. If the child refuses to take on the case for these reasons, ask him to imagine a baby who knows and can do much less than he does. For example, he does not know how to count, does not know letters, etc. Then let him imagine another child who will surely cope with the task. It will be easy for him to be convinced that he has gone far from incompetence and can, if he tries, approach full skill.
Now ask him to say, “I can’t…” and explain to himself why this task is difficult for him to complete. “I can …” — to note what he is already capable of now. “I will be able to…” — how he will cope with the task, if he makes every effort. Emphasize that everyone does not know how to do something, cannot do something, but everyone, if he wants, will achieve his goal.
For more information, see How to Help an Anxious Child
How to identify an anxious child
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Tips for parents of an anxious child
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