We are accustomed to placing responsibility for the order in the house or something else on older children. For a broken vase, the younger one will be reprimanded, and the older one will be punished. So it was with our ancestors — the elders looked after the younger ones while the parents worked. Everything seems to be reasonable, but something seems to be missing here …
Look: a two-year-old kid played with cubes and, going to bed, of course, did not remove them. The eldest son (or daughter) hardly played with toys. But we ask him to help clean up after the little one. And so it goes every night. The older child, in a fit of desperation, screams that he did not scatter toys, so he will not clean up, and goes to bed with resentment. Yes, it’s kind of unfair.
What is the right way then?
The most universal, most honest and working principle is that the elders take care of the younger ones, and the younger ones obey the elders. Read what a wise mother writes about this:
I raised two sons, they themselves now have three children, and the most important rule in the family was: the elders take care of the younger ones, and the younger ones obey the elders. Roma is the youngest, and I always inspired him that the elder brother is the most important person for him, he must obey him, like mom and dad, grandparents. And when we were alone, she always told the eldest, Vadim, how to behave, so that his younger brother would respect him. Vadim never scolded Roma, cared about his authority. But Roma didn’t have to be scolded either, because it was Vadim’s job to deal with him.
I loved to communicate with my sons and tried to find games that would be interesting for them and useful for the family. The war game turned out to be very successful: I was usually the commander, and Vadim, as a captain by rank, reported to me about all the situations on the battlefield while I was preparing lunches and dinners. “Comrade Captain, go to the barracks and see what Private Ivanov is doing (Roma was a few months old then)!” A few minutes later I hear a message: «Comrade commander, let me report, Private Ivanov has peed himself!» see article…
senior and junior
A common problem in raising children with a large age difference is the desire of the younger ones to imitate the elders in everything, to wear the same clothes, watch the same films and make up the same way. What should parents do in this case?
First, do not start blaming older children for everything. Otherwise, the elders, in turn, will begin to offend the younger ones because the latter cause problems. It is best to set clear boundaries between seniors and juniors, and encourage healthy competition between them, but at more positive levels (rather than who spends more money on cosmetics). For example, who achieved what in their favorite activities (sports, studies …), who helped their parents more, etc. There are many options here.
Secondly, do not fuss with or without reason around the younger children, forgetting about the older ones. This causes jealousy in the elders, thoughts that you love the younger ones more. In order to prevent this from happening, you can come up with a kind of «schedule». Distribute your day so that you can spend your time either exclusively with the youngest child, or exclusively with the older one. Then everyone will feel your care and exclusivity.
Thirdly, teach the elders to treat the younger ones with patience and understanding. Younger children seek attention, recognition and respect from older children. They don’t want to be rejected. For example, if a younger child took cosmetics, a disk, or something else from an older child, explain to the older one why you should not be angry about it. The thing is that the younger ones want to be like their older brothers and sisters in everything.
Lastly, younger children also need to be taught to respect their elders. To teach not to take other people’s things without asking and not to go into someone else’s room without asking. And for the elders, you can allocate special shelves, lockers, where the latter can store their personal belongings.