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It may seem that the most difficult separation is given to children. Nevertheless, it is not easy for parents either: during this difficult period, they are faced with the syndrome of an empty nest. What is it and how to deal with it, family psychologists tell.
The absence of daily communication with children is often felt as a bereavement. Not all parents are mentally prepared for separation. In addition, we know what dangers can await children in the big world, and this, of course, causes concern.
Separation can develop according to various scenarios, says family psychologist Auror Le Moing. “This stage is experienced depending on the model of the family. For example, a single parent with only one child may feel abandoned, ”the expert notes. In turn, the child himself will feel guilty for leaving to live on his own and leaving the parent.
In some families, children are the “glue” that holds the parent couple together. When the children leave the house, it may turn out that they were the only reason for maintaining the union.
How do you deal with empty nest syndrome?
It is important to prepare in advance for the fact that our children will leave the family cocoon. We want them to be happy and develop. Therefore, when we realize that children can and want to live without us, we must do everything possible to prepare them for independence. If the children feel our support, then our connection with them will not be interrupted, they will continue to return to us if necessary — to ask for help or advice.
Clinical psychologist Beatrice Copper-Royer has formulated advice for parents whose children have started independent lives:
1. Don’t sit back
It’s time to think about new hobbies and changing your daily routine to fill the huge amount of time you now have. If you’ve always wanted to try something, now is the time. Learn to play a musical instrument, take drawing classes, go in for sports, arrange meetings with friends. Then you, by the way, will have something to talk about with the children. Send them photos from different locations so they know you’re fine and are handling the separation. Believe me, they are worried too.
Talk about moving forward and let them know how you feel and how important regular contact is to you. Also let them know that they can always go home if things don’t go the way they planned.
Don’t make too many changes to their room at first so they feel at home during visits.
However, you should not at the first opportunity offer them to return.
You don’t want to hold them back or feel guilty that they can’t become independent.
In the age of the Internet, parents are tempted to keep in touch with their children after they have moved away. This should not be abused, says Beatrice Copper-Royer. Some mothers have made it a habit to call their children every day, and this is sometimes difficult to give up. However, it is extremely important to understand that you should not give in to the temptation to text or call daily.
3. Look for the good in everything!
The departure of children is not only a loss. Now you have freedom and time. It would be a shame not to take advantage of these opportunities! Plus, you can now give your relationship with your spouse new life. It may take you a little time to get used to spending time together, but it will be beneficial.
Set aside time for joint activities and include date nights in your plans. Now is the best time!
The departure of children from the family home is one of the key stages in our lives as parents. This is a new chapter in our relationship. It seems that our children no longer need us, but this is not so. They will still ask for help and will be happy to meet you.
As difficult as it may be, remember that we raise our children knowing that one day they will leave the parental home, and our role in their lives will decrease as they grow older.