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Sexologist Catherine Blanc reflects on the prejudices that complicate our intimate life. Next in line is the common stereotype that the appearance of a child in the family causes irreparable damage to the parent’s libido.
Expert
author of the book “Female Sexuality” (“La sexualité des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines”, Évolution, 2009).
“Children certainly demand time and space for them, especially in the first months of life. The nature of a woman prompts her to respond to any needs of a newborn, and she plunges headlong into motherhood. After the birth of a child, her sexual instinct is suppressed due to the presence in the body of prolactin, a hormone that favors the production of breast milk. It is understandable why she may not be too disposed to sex. And this is not to mention fatigue, lack of sleep and constant focus on what the baby may need. In these circumstances, a partner’s request to have sex with him may be perceived as another need that she must satisfy.
Meanwhile, she is already so tired that she only dreams of peace in those rare moments when the child does not require her attention. Of course, most often the partner wants to please the woman. But this tempting prospect requires her to be active, while she just wants to relax. In addition, sometimes in the partner’s request for sex, she can see the manifestation of rivalry with the child. How to be attracted to a man whose request reminds her of guilt for his frustration or that the unsatisfied man ends up in the position of a child as a result?
As a rule, after a few weeks, the biochemistry of the brain returns to its original state, and desire returns with renewed vigor. The couple regains an intimate life – unless the prohibitions imposed by the unconscious dictate to the woman that from now on, the child, and not the sex life, is in the foreground. After all, having given birth to a child, she begins to feel her power, and motherhood can be for her a source of pleasure that will fully satisfy her life needs. Especially in the event that her sexuality served only as a means to the appearance of a child, and was not a manifestation of her own “I”. Some men may also begin to restrain their sexual impulses: how can one afford to desire a woman who has become a mother and in some fantasies may also be their own mother? Such partners can become wonderful parents, but to the detriment of their intimate life. The woman enjoys the role of the mother, and only her, and the man continues to love her without fear of imaginary incest.
Read more:
- Parents remain lovers
Even though the child is a “bottomless barrel” that absorbs all the strength and attention, in the life of the parents, he takes the place that they themselves assigned him. Some couples should ask themselves: why do they indulge the child’s every desire? Why is it so readily placed at the center of the universe? Are they re-enacting scenarios from their own childhood? Wouldn’t they like to occupy a similar place in the family then? How often children turn out to be those very trees behind which we do not distinguish forests. Shouldn’t you think about it better?”