It is necessary to work with a child, play, read books to him, answer questions asked by him … all parents without exception know about this. Caring, loving moms and dads probably do just that. At the same time, no process of raising and educating a little man, as a rule, can do without «guiding instructions» from the parents, who occupy a leading position of a leader, the main one in a joint business, a game.
But how could it be otherwise, because we, adults, are much smarter and more experienced than our children! But in reality, it turns out that if «guidelines» are needed somewhere, it’s not in joint activities with the child. As soon as they appear, work together stops. After all, together means equals. Parents and educators should not take a position above the child: children are very sensitive to it, and all the living forces of their soul rebel against it. It is then that they begin to resist the “necessary”, disagree with the “obvious”, challenge the “indisputable”.
How can you teach a child something, show him what is good and what is bad, but at the same time not resort to guiding advice, not suppress his independence and initiative, and not spoil each other’s mood?
A child learns to organize himself and his affairs more easily and quickly if, at a certain stage, he is helped by some external means. These can be reminder pictures, a to-do list, notes, diagrams, or written instructions.
Please note that such means are no longer the words of an adult, they are their replacement. The child can use them on his own, and then he is halfway to coping with the matter himself.
Let us give an example of how in one family it was possible, with the help of such an external means, to cancel, or rather, to transfer to the child himself the «guiding functions» of the parents.
Andrew is six years old. According to the fair demand of his parents, he must dress himself when he goes for a walk. It’s winter outside, and you need to put on a lot of different things. The boy, on the other hand, “slips”: he will put on only socks and sit in prostration, not knowing what to do next; then, putting on a fur coat and a hat, he is preparing to go out into the street in slippers. Parents attribute all the inattention of the child, reproach, urge him. In general, conflicts continue from day to day.
However, after consulting with a psychologist, everything changes. Parents make a list of things that the child should wear. The list turned out to be quite long: as many as nine items! The child already knows how to read in syllables, but all the same, next to each name of the thing, the parents, together with the boy, draw the corresponding picture. This illustrated list is hung on the wall.
Peace comes in the family, conflicts stop, and the child is extremely busy. What is he doing now? He runs his finger over the list, finds the right thing, runs to put it on, runs to the list again, finds the next thing, and so on.
It is easy to guess what happened soon: the boy memorized this list and began to get ready to walk as quickly and independently as his parents did to work. It is remarkable that all this happened without any nervous tension — both for the son and his parents.
And a few more important points.
Controlling the behavior of the child, teaching him something, do not take the initiative completely into your own hands, be sure to give part of the responsibility to the child. Figuratively speaking, parents should control the strategic goals of their child’s development; the right to independently solve tactical problems must be left to the child.
Here is an example of this type of education:
You can tell your child:
“Here’s a broom for you, sweep the room, do it this way or that…
But it will be much better and more pedagogically competent if you entrust the maintenance of cleanliness in a certain room, and how he will do it, let him decide and be responsible for the decision himself. In the first case, you set before the child only a muscular task, in the second case, an organizational task; the latter is much more complicated and useful.
And even with joint games and activities with the child, parents do not need to show how smart they are and how much they know. It is much more effective to pretend to be “stupid” and, together with the baby, make amazing discoveries, be surprised at “new” things, and experiment.