Skills and abilities are different. There are momentary ones (tying shoelaces, for example), and there are also global ones, necessary from infancy and for life. The ability to be grateful, I think, just from this series.
I often hear:
“Look what kind of car your grandma bought you!”
I wanted yellow…
— Daughter, eat a chop.
— Well, if I had a cutlet, I would still eat it, otherwise …
Even more often: the children came running, grabbed, for example, ice cream from the hands of their mother and ran away. Silently. And my mother is glad: this time she seemed to please everyone, there were no skirmishes and no offense in her direction.
Let me tell you right now – there is nothing to be happy about! Until children are accustomed to gratitude, at least at the level: “Thank you, Mommy!”, Peace in the family is a very temporary phenomenon. First, children forget to say words of gratitude, then they forget to feel this very gratitude, and they begin to take all the good things that come to them both from their parents and from other people and life, as a matter of course, due to them by right.
What do you do if you do not give what is rightfully yours? So the children, too, begin to «swing rights» and consider those who «did not give enough» as bad people.
For example, every week their parents took them either to the water park, or to the rides, or somewhere else. And in the coming weekend, these egoists who do not think about children, you know, are busy! To pout, to be offended or to portray terribly distressed is considered in the order of things. And the parents are sincerely worried, they feel sorry for the children, and if they also get toys or pocket money from the parental guilt, it turns out … The strongest reinforcement of such a way of thinking and behavior!
What exactly are we reinforcing, parents?
1) If one or two gave something, now “should”.
2) If something was not given, the child immediately portrays grief or resentment. Until the child decides that you paid off enough, resentment, and even anger, will live in the family.
The funny thing is that the child is not to blame! It is not he who is naturally so “capricious”, it was you who taught him to react like that!
Remember, you took out a toy for the baby, he whimpered: “Not the one!” What did you do? Have you gone for a new one? They said sharply that you are not up to his whims now? Something else? You know, if the child ended up with a dissatisfied muzzle (and even got a toy, no matter which one), then it doesn’t matter what you said and did. You have shown that something good can be received from you and not to thank, but to demonstrate dissatisfaction.
Many not only do not stop such behavior of children, but seem to specifically encourage it! Are you upset that the car is white? Are you crying because the «ice cream» is pink? Here’s a yellow car, chocolate ice cream and a delicious candy to boot — just reward your mom with a smile! (Child: “Well, so be it …”)
How should it have been? I’d better give an example.
I noticed recently that the youngest, when during a snack I cut off a few pieces of cheese, removed the rest, grimaced:
— Mom, I wanted more!
I ask:
“My dear, didn’t you like it?” Don’t want to eat like this anymore?
— Want!
“Then remember what to say after eating?”
— Thank you, mommy!
— Did you enjoy it?
— Yes, sure!
Do you think you should tell your mom?
— Certainly! Everything was delicious!
— And how do children behave when they are tasty? — I smile.
— They smile! The daughter smiles back.
Since that conversation, the daughter, after snacking, says with a smile that it was very tasty.
If the word of the parent has weight, and spitefulness — resentment has not yet become a habit, one calm conversation is enough.
Quite a baby (mine is already four), you may have to calmly repeat two or five times. They forget, and that’s okay. The main thing is that every time the face brightens with understanding and a smile 🙂
With those who already have the habit of buzzing a little, one “educational” conversation is not enough, you may have to be reminded of the sanctions, or even apply them.
For example:
«Son, what’s the matter?» Do you want to go to sea with us today?
— Come on you with your «family vacation». I will stay at home.
— All right, my sun. Home, so home. Of the working equipment, a table lamp and a vacuum cleaner will remain with you. Feel free to use them! If the house isn’t cleaned or the homework isn’t done when we arrive, the lamp and the vacuum cleaner will be your only electronic «pals» for another three days. Algebra will «pull up», you will learn how to cleanly vacuum and enjoy family vacations. Well, at least a little. Until the evening, my good!
A sincere «Thank you» is not just a politeness, it is a whole worldview.
If you instill gratitude in children, they will respect their parents, learn strong friendships, be known as polite and will see and appreciate all the good things in life and people.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.