We are often torn between work and household chores, but we also need to pay attention to children, who always lack this attention. Psychologist Natalia Poletaeva, a mother of three children, talks about how to solve this problem.
Guilt is the first thing that a working parent, especially a mother, feels when she misses something important in the child’s life (an exam, a speech, and sometimes a birthday) simply because she can’t leave work or is far from home. What to do if time is really short?
You need to try to get rid of the guilt and be sure that you are doing everything right! After all, in the end, we work hard just to ensure a decent life for our child. Giving back to work is also a great example of hard work and success! Children in such families become independent early, are able to allocate time and, as they grow up, really appreciate all that their parents have done for them.
And in fact, not the quantity, but the quality of the time spent together is the key to true friendship and mutual understanding between the child and the parent. Walking, reading, shopping, cycling — it doesn’t matter what it is, the main thing is that you do it together! And for parents, spending time together with their child gives them a boost of energy, new impressions, helps them to get to know their children better, discover their new features, and sometimes even return to childhood themselves — to feel like a naughty girl or boy.
Children whose parents work a lot, really often feel lonely, unhappy, disliked and blame their parents for this. However, the time spent together with mom and dad gives the child the opportunity to talk about their feelings, plans and problems, and parents-to listen, understand and help him correctly assess the situation. Dad’s advice and mom’s approval are really very important for the child. Now, in the age of advanced technologies, communication with the child is becoming more accessible and, even if you are far from each other, communication is possible and necessary. Another question is that hugs and kisses — the tactile perception of a native person-have a special effect on a person and give him confidence for a long time.
One girl in her childhood suffered greatly from insufficient communication with her mother: for the summer she was sent to the village to her grandparents, far from the Moscow apartment, and her mother came only in her dreams. In addition, the “good” neighbors said: “… my mother forgot you…”. But over time, the realization came that my parents disappeared at work for her own good: to be able to buy her beautiful clothes or, for example, a new bike, send her on vacation at the sea, give a good education. When the girl grew up, she was grateful to her parents for not sparing themselves, they put all their love, strength and time into her happy childhood. And the time spent with her parents has acquired a special value for her — she will always remember these happy moments! Now she has become a mother herself and also works a lot, but spends all her free time with the children. At this time, the whole family is really happy!
Whatever you do, talk to your child more! Share your successes and learn about what is happening in his life outside of the house. Always keep a promise if you have agreed with the child to do something specific in advance, because he will certainly expect you to fulfill the contract and will be very upset if nothing happens. To avoid resentment, explain in advance that circumstances may change. In addition, surprises are often even more pleasant, and unplanned things can be much more interesting! Take photos of happy moments when you were happy together, it will help your child to remember that he is loved!