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Money for a child can be both a good and a bad decision.
Most importantly, what does it depend on: what are the relationships in the family? If they are good, everything is friendly, the parents are smart and the parents are in authority, then in such a family any experiments are good. And an experiment with money in such a family will come in handy — with its help, the child will learn how to handle money and many other useful things. If there are conflicts with the child, the child does not obey, then attempts to “buy” the normal behavior of the child with money are stupidity and harm.
An equally important question is: does your experiment with money retain parental authority and does the child understand what task parents allow him to earn such money for? If the child thinks that now the parents “owe” him something and he will now demand what is due to him, stop such an experiment immediately. If he understands that he has two tasks — 1) to learn to behave well and joyfully in kindergarten and 2) to learn how to handle money correctly, then everything is in order. As these tasks are solved, he will stop receiving money. And then let him think, what else does he want to teach himself if he wants to earn money?
Children and money — this problem has several sides. There is money that a child can earn, there is money that parents give him (pocket money).
POCKET MONEY
Regarding pocket money, the arguments FOR and AGAINST the following.
Arguments against, which some parents cite:
- inappropriate — the child does not know how to spend, parents have to buy everything for him;
- too much attention to money matters — will be greedy, greedy;
- if regularly supplied with money, he will become capricious, spoiled, will not learn to restrain his desires; does not earn — does not know the value of money, will not appreciate what is given;
- it is simply dangerous to carry money with you now; why do we need unnecessary problems (at best, the envy of other children, at worst, they will be taken away or, God forbid, beaten, etc.).
Arguments for:
- the child needs to feel like a full-fledged person, because everyone around has money: mom, dad, older brother, classmates;
- let them learn to spend and calculate their budget independently and responsibly; makes mistakes, so under our supervision and with small losses; learn to foresee the consequences of their actions — will not take risks in adulthood;
- if not given, negative emotions arise, envy of other children, greed, overestimation of the power of money may develop; first small, then larger thefts, etc. are not excluded.
Conclusion: do not rush to speak categorically on this topic. There are different children, different families, different situations, you always need to think. Let’s think?
At what age should you give your child money for small (and then not very small) expenses?
There are two points of view: either when he learns to count them, or from the moment he enters school. Although often these two moments in a child’s life coincide!
How to determine whether it is already possible to give him some amount to spend at his own discretion? Ask your preschooler to go to the store from time to time. Does he remember to take change, can he calculate the money given out so that it is enough for the ordered purchases? If you think that he is not yet ready for independent spending, explain why you are refusing. Tell me what you need to learn to get what you want. Naturally, with the start of funding, the child will have (or become more complicated) household duties. Every year on his birthday, you can increase the amount of payments — and, accordingly, negotiate with the child to increase his contribution to housework.
How much pocket money to give?
This is determined by your real family opportunities and common sense. And don’t feel bad if you can’t give your son or daughter the same amount as their classmates. Say simply and firmly, «I’m sorry, this is what I can give you for now.» Asking for more? Discuss with him or her the family budget with numbers in hand. Perhaps after some time you will be able to fulfill the request (after paying off a loan or after a planned major purchase). Agree on deadlines, and if you already promised, keep your promise.
It may also be that you are not constrained by means. How to determine the upper limit of the issuance of child expenses? Again, common sense will tell. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that the amount of pocket money for your child should grow in proportion to the increase in your family budget.
The experts seem to agree on one point. You need to give out pocket money regularly. For those who are younger — once a week; older adults — monthly.
How to issue?
American experts say that there are four systems for «issuing» money (and only one of them is good):
- at any time at his whim (even if there is an agreement with the child on regular payments);
- solely as a reward for some merit or housework;
- regularly to a certain extent, without any conditions and reservations;
- also regularly, but with the condition of spending money responsibly.
It is easy to guess that the last one can be called the optimal one. What does «conditionally» mean? First, it specifies what expenses these amounts are intended for (school supplies, sweets, entertainment, or something else), and what expenses are completely excluded (alcohol, cigarettes, etc.). Secondly, parents agree with their son or daughter that they will not deprive their pocket money because of misconduct, but will always demand that certain household duties be performed.
Can you control your child’s spending?
Is it necessary to control where the child spends his pocket money? Certainly. First, you agree with the child what you give him money for (as much for transport, so much for food, so much for entertainment), then you must understand how successfully your child manages to spend money correctly. At the same time, smart control is always differentiated control. Something you will track (what if?) as absolutely unacceptable (money for poppy seed buns spent on hashish), something as acceptable (money for poppy seed buns spent on jam buns), and something as an opportunity joy (your child saved money for buns with poppy seeds and bought a bouquet of beautiful flowers for his mother’s birthday).
Attentive parents have the opportunity to unobtrusively trace where the issued amounts disappear. It is not worth demanding full financial statements, especially from a teenager. With strict control over spending, the very meaning of having pocket money is lost. So the child will never learn to manage them on his own, not to mention the fact that he will not receive any pleasure. It is necessary to intervene only if you are firmly convinced that the money is being spent on unworthy purposes. For example, for cigarettes, booze, etc. What if a teenager asks for an additional amount, but does not want to say for what? The most terrible suspicions creep into the parent’s head. Think back to that age. For teenagers, with their maximalism and devotion to friends, this can be a matter of life and death. Psychologist Juris Blumbergs believes that it is better to give and then deal with the situation than to refuse and then suffer because they did not support their son or daughter. The “elusive” expenses should be alarming, when there is no material embodiment of these expenses (excuses that they go to discos, don’t know where sweets are eaten, etc.).
Should it be rewarded or punished with money?
Should I pay my child to take out the trash? And for the fives in school? The following principle helps to resolve this issue: “If there are healthy relationships in the family, where parents and children are close and love each other, you can play such boards. They are perceived as a game where children learn to earn money, and parents designate directions where children can please them. But if the family is different, where there is essentially no relationship between parents and children, where human relations are replaced by money, these are bad money games, and this is not worth doing.
Encouraging good study with money is rather pointless. Studies have shown that children who were paid extra to study well had almost the same results as children who studied without monetary reinforcements. However, it is possible to reward for outstanding results (winning an Olympiad in a difficult subject, passing a difficult exam), but even here it works better not just to give out an amount of money, but to give something that your child has long dreamed of. Other things improve children’s learning: an interesting learning process and the child’s ability to learn. And here smart parents can help!
What you can pay money for is to pay children 7-8 years old for reading books. It is clear here what exactly the money is paid for, this creates a base for the child to study, broadens his horizons and arouses interest in reading. Starting from the age of 9, he will be happy to read on his own, without money. Let us note at the same time that many parents manage to arouse interest in reading even without money …
It is also impossible to pay money for constant household duties: this is our common life, each family member makes (should make) his contribution to the household. Mom doesn’t get paid to cook breakfast for everyone, does she? At the same time, you can pay for serious work that children usually do not do (building a house, repairing an apartment, developing a summer cottage) and for which you were ready to call a master. Why then pay the master, if your son can do it? Especially if you emphasize that the main thing in this case is not a monetary reward, but the fact that he has mastered a new and difficult job.
As for punishments, it is not recommended to completely deprive a child or teenager of pocket money. Reducing the usual amount is perhaps acceptable, depending on the seriousness of the offense.
How to teach a child to handle money?
If it is clear that the money was spent on nonsense or simply lost, do not compensate him for the loss — let him answer for the consequences of his frivolity.
Gradually add money for necessary expenses to the amount for ice cream and entertainment. So the child will learn to calculate his budget. For example, at the end of the month you need to buy a ticket, at the beginning of the quarter you need to provide for the purchase of notebooks, etc. Yes, it can happen that a child spends this money for other purposes. Then you will have to add the amount for an urgent purchase (for example, for a travel card) as if in debt. And then deduct it from pocket money.
Many children, having received money, spend everything immediately. In this case, try dividing the total amount into small parts and give them to the child twice or thrice a week. Gradually, you can increase these parts.
If a son or daughter is going to make a “big” purchase on their own, help them choose a thing, tell me where you can get a discount.
In European countries, some parents open their own bank account for their child. He learns to perform some banking operations, for example, handle a credit card, calculate interest on a deposit. From the amount put in his name, he can take money for the purchase of clothes, school supplies, for the monthly payment of additional classes, etc.
Of course, you will introduce your child to your family accounting. And inform not only about the costs. If the child does not know how much the parents receive, then the family does not have trust in relations with each other. Give your child the opportunity to express their opinion about family spending, participate in planning purchases, trips.
Is it worth it in some difficult circumstances to attract the personal funds of the child to the family budget? It is possible that this will help him feel his involvement in solving a common problem, his need. Of course, then the children’s money must be returned (with or without interest — it is decided individually).