This is how you can begin to explain it to children — suppose I am talking to them, their dad.
Love consists of three parts: care, joy and attention. If mom takes care of us, feeds us all, washes and irons your clothes, she loves us. But it’s more difficult for grandmother to take care of us, we already have to take care of her ourselves, but what kind of face does she have when you come to her? Joyful? — Yes. It means she loves you.
Also, if you do something good for your grandmother, you love her. What good things have you done for your grandmother?
Here the children are happy to brag. Give them this joy!
You are amazing, well done! And did all this for grandma with joy? (Yes!) — So you love your grandmother.
And who was more happy to make pies for grandma: you or you? So … (a little tense)
And when you quarreled and stopped making pies, did you love your grandmother? (Loved!) Not true! At this time, you forgot about her. And the third part of love is about remembering who you love. If some mother sat down at the computer, got carried away and forgot to make dinner for the children on time, such a mother is not the best. A good mother always remembers the main thing. Do you agree? So are you: while you were making pies, you were thinking about your grandmother. And as you began to quarrel, you were distracted by your quarrel. It happens. And when you’re distracted, you don’t love anymore. And how long can you do something and not be distracted?
And here the conversation can be diverted to another topic. Loading children with such a difficult topic at once is not worth it. Do not hurry. Come back to this conversation later, in a couple of hours or tomorrow, for some tea or when you go somewhere with them.
So, I have a question for you: who remembered what about love? What it is?
They tell…
Now tell me how much you love your mom! Who loves mom more? (Pull hands: I! I!). Well, prove that you love more. (They argue). Good. And now who will answer faster: who else do you love besides your mother? (Grandmother! Dad! Aunt Lyuba! Margarita Petrovna! Uncle Kostya! Kostya!). Well done! And a memory test: which of you can repeat who you called and in what order did you call?
Somehow they restore it from memory.
What do you think, who is loved more, is called more often at the beginning or somewhere already at the end? (Most often at the beginning). Correctly. And now, attention, a question for the smartest. Who is smart? Who is very smart? And the very best? Let’s agree: if the question is difficult and it will be difficult for you to answer, it’s not scary, right? Then — attention — the question: “But a few years will pass, you will grow up and get smarter … You will get smarter, what do you think? (yes, I think so too. So, when you grow up, in what order will you name those you love?
Let them think…
Now, after Mom, you were the first to name Grandmother, Dad, then Aunt Lyuba and so on — you remember. And in a few years: who and in what order will you have to name? When will you grow up and grow up? Will something change for you?
They think, guess… They think… Well, after some time it is worth telling them what is missing on their list — each other!
That’s right, because as you grow older and wiser, you will quarrel less often, you will help each other more often and protect each other. Do you agree? Will you help each other, protect each other? Smart and grown-ups do it all the time. What do you think, which of you will grow wiser and mature faster? (…) You are all great!
Next time at the table, have them tell what they have learned from this conversation. And then you can add another topic: And there was still one more person missing, whom you had to name … (Who?) Think! (Guessing). It is worth agreeing with all their additives, but at the end say: You did not name yourself there.
…
Q: Do you need to take care of yourself? In the morning, put on your pants, and not drive around the apartment without trousers? Tie your own shoelaces, and not call your grandmother for this? And when you take care of yourself, should your face be pleased or sour? (An interesting discussion ensues about what self-love is.)
Possible reversals of the conversation further:
Last time I asked who you love. Today’s contest — what do you like! Who will name more? (Noise, din, shouting a lot). Fine! And now — what does grandma like? What about mom? What do I love? (Let them think. And this distraction is useful before a difficult question). Now repeat your lists of what you love, but in order: first, what you love the most, then what you love less, then even less … (They tell with pleasure).
Attention, and now the task for the advanced: you have a list of WHOM you love (mom, grandmother, dad, aunt Lyuba …) and WHAT you love (here are their favorite games, TV shows, cartoons and much more). Make a general list: what will come first: mom or cartoons? (Sometimes they say mom! sometimes they think. Then speak only in a cheerful, easy voice):
Remember, you were sitting at the TV, and your mother asked you to help her put it on the table. You helped her, remember? (Yes, I helped my mother!). True, but did you have a joyful face when your mother turned to you? (No, not joyful. But there was also a cartoon going on!) — That’s right, it happens. At that time, you also loved your mother, but at that moment you loved the cartoon more. So? Not this way? (Smile, laugh…)
Further, the theme of love can move on to many more important points — outline them yourself. Here’s another interesting twist:
So, my dears, does it happen that you do not love your mother? I think it does. And what do you think? (Agree). What time was it yesterday? (here it’s different). Yes, we all need to learn to love mom. What do you think, what should we do for mom today? (brainstorming begins).
I suggest in the comments to write your options for talking with children. Good luck and love to us!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.