Childhood fears

Children’s fears are the emotional reactions of children to a situation of threat (real or imagined), or to an object dangerous in the imagination of children, experienced by them as discomfort, excitement, a desire to run away or hide.

Important: children’s fears are not only emotional reactions themselves, they are also interpretations of what is happening behind them (or next to them), seeing something as definitely scary, a predetermined attitude (prejudice) to what will qualify as “terrible” . In addition, in every fear there is a recorded reaction, an algorithm of internal behavior.

Children’s fears are varied: children are afraid to be alone in the dark, children are afraid of water or cockroaches — the tendency to be afraid in different children is developed to varying degrees. And someone is afraid of one thing, someone else, someone is a little bit of everything, someone is almost nothing, except for one Most Terrible Horror!

Children’s fears usually change with age: this is normal, although it is best if children grow up to be freed from fears in principle. Fears are justified in childhood, adults in a dangerous situation should no longer be guided by feelings, but by reason.

If you get away from excessive detail, then there are only three children’s fears: fear as an appeal for help, honest fear and manipulative fear. Of course, within this one can distinguish many specific fears: night terrors, fear of water, fear of the dark, and thousands of other fears. There would be readiness — fears will stick.

Where do children get their fears from? It happens that fears stick to children. It happens that children stick to their favorite fears, inventing and composing them for their own benefits, needs and interests. In addition, children learn fears: if it is customary to be afraid of something, and to be afraid in this way, then children will soon master it.

How to relate to children’s fears, how to respond to them? Very different, there is no single recipe. Some fears of a child can and should be laughed at merrily, some fears need to be seriously and thoughtfully dealt with.

It is important to consider that men and women have different approaches to dealing with children’s fears. If a woman is going to respond to children’s fears, her first impulse is to take the child’s fear seriously, begin to calm the child, deal with his feelings, sympathize with the child, and somehow start working with the child’s fear. It is natural for women to talk to the child about his feelings, so that the child talks about his fears, and in this story, show the child that he is sufficiently protected that it is normal to be afraid, but not to such an extent. Women usually pay attention to the feelings of the child and to a small extent engage in the behavior of the child, assuming that the behavior of the child stems from his feelings.

Men have a different attitude towards fears in children. By nature and by virtue of their upbringing, men more often turn their attention not to feelings, but to behavior. They are less inclined to deal with the feelings of children, it is easier and more understandable for them to react to the behavior of the child: once to support the child, once to shame. The fears of girls, who tend to talk a lot about their feelings, often baffle them, and they deal with the fears of boys simply: “Stop being afraid, go ahead!” It is important for them to stop the behavior of fear and they require the behavior of courage.

If neither mother’s nor father’s approach helps and the child continues to disturb the parents with their fears, the child is taken to a psychologist or psychotherapist, and they begin to work — sometimes with children’s fears, sometimes — with parents who are afraid of everything and set a bad example for the child.