Childcare arrangements: how does shared custody at home work?

For more peace of mind and flexibility, you prefer to take a nanny home and share the childcare costs with another family. Why not? But to maintain the cordial understanding with the other parents, it is better to respect certain rules. Discover 10 golden rules to avoid conflicts.

The difference between maternal assistant and home care

Before embarking on the adventure of shared custody, be sure to differentiate between a childminder and home care. If both do the same activity, the first will be paid at through an hourly rate set according to the number of children to be looked after while the second will be paid by the hour, regardless of the number of children.

1.Shared custody system: Take care of the cast

The basis, to avoid problems, is the geographic proximity. “If you have to cross town to drop off your little one with your co-family, you will indeed quickly run out! », Warns Sandrine Bizet, director of Adoq, home childcare association in Lyon. But this cannot be the only criterion to be taken into account. In general, joint custody lasts two years, sometimes three. An eternity when we do not get along well… The number one priority, when we work as a common nanny, is to be in harmony with the way of life and the educational principles. “To get to the bottom of it, offer to meet the other couple with the children,” advises Sandrine Bizet. “You will soon realize what parents let and do not do. It’s rare to hit the right number the first time. To avoid finding yourself making a default choice, which you might quickly regret, give yourself some time. Anticipating will also allow you to organize a period of adaptation, which will be as useful for you as for your child.

2. Choose the nanny together

All families do not necessarily have the same expectations. “Some will insist more on awakening, others more on food,” says Sandrine Bizet. First of all, each on your own, establish a list of selection criteria, with an order of priority: qualifications, experience, availability… Then cross your respective grids. The goal is for you to be on the same page during job interviews. Does your co-family already have a contract with a parental assistant? Before going any further, take the time to meet her. Shared custody is a three-way marriage. Once you’re engaged, you won’t be able to turn back so easily.

3. How shared custody works: how to make an employment contract?

You have just found shared custody, but how is the contract drawn up? Know first that this one is almost similar to that of a classic guard. Each family writes its own, with a common clause stipulating that it is a matter of shared custody. When writing, define from the outset, in writing, the practical arrangements for custody: will you alternate homes each week, as is customary? Which schedule will you fixate on the nanny? How will you distribute the beds for the nap? The ideal is obviously that the two families can offer roughly the same reception conditions. If this is not the case, “make sure at least that each child has his place and feels welcome,” advises Patrice Le Ray, co-founder of the Kangourou Kids network, manager of the Toulouse West agency.

4. Be vigilant on the watch!

If you want your union to be a success, avoid delays as much as possible, in the morning and in the evening. There is no question of welcoming the other child in a bathrobe when the care takes place at your place. Matter of respect!

5. Prepare for emergencies

A subway breakdown? A long working meeting? It could happen ! In order not to find yourself caught off guard, it is essential to know your flexibility in this kind of case. The other family is it braced on the schedules, or is it ready to help you out to make the connection with the nanny? Take the opportunity to agree on what to do when one of the children is sick… that is to say quite often! The more you clear things up at the beginning, the better the relationship will turn out afterwards.

6. Who pays for what in joint custody? How to calculate the cost?

“The easiest way is to split everything in two: meals, diapers, liniment, double stroller…”, recommends Olivia Hurtebize, childcare assistant. But when the children are not the same age, the needs can be significantly different. To preserve the peace of the households, it is sometimes preferable that each one brings everything necessary for his child. 

7. Coordinate your agendas

The holidays, the beach, the sun… it seems far away. A word of advice: don’t wait until the last minute to put the subject on the table. Remember: your caregiver is entitled to at least two continuous weeks paid vacation between May 1 and October 31. To allow him to take them, it is imperative to tune your violins because your nanny cannot cut herself in half! Do you decide to leave outside the period initially provided for in the contract? You are free, but know that you will have to continue to pay him his salary anyway.

8. Respect the balance of tasks

“The nanny is paid first and foremost to take care of the children,” recalls Olivia Hurtebize. Ask her to run a machine or to do some cleaning during their nap, okay. But be careful not to overload it when the guard is going on at your place. Other parents could quickly feel aggrieved.

9. Cultivate dialogue

“You make the effort to have a clean and tidy apartment when the other child arrives, but it’s not reciprocated?” Don’t let the discomfort set in, ”insists Olivia Hurtebize. Without delay, provoke a frank and calm discussion with the other family. “Daring to say that the situation does not suit you sits you down in your quality of parent”, indicates the childcare assistant.  

10. Relativize

“You have the right to have a minimum of requirements. But as long as the basic principles are respected, namely the safety of your child, his sleep pattern and his diet, show a certain flexibility, ”however tempers Olivia Hurtebize. Because, like in love, there is no such thing as a perfect match!