Almost 28 years ago, I was 17. My family, furious that I was pregnant, sent me to England to have an abortion. In France, it was too late. There, I was advised to give birth, so that my child could be adopted. I then gave birth to my little baby. For 7 days in the maternity ward, I watched him. I still have his little head, his little body in front of my eyes. Then I left, traumatized. I never saw him again.
No childbirth under X in England
In England, there is no childbirth under X, but it was just like: I abandoned my child, powerless to oppose my family. Thanks to the English adoption center, I was able to search for my son. The procedure is very regulated: I never had his contact details. Mediators and psychologists asked me dozens of questions in order to find out my intentions. After that, they allowed me to write him a letter and handed it to him. He answered me once, then nothing. I don’t want to force him if he’s not ready to know me, to meet me. Although I am relieved to know that he is happy, I cannot look to the future. Despite my new family, my two children, I had two depressions linked to this childbirth and I still live in the guilt of not having found the strength to oppose my parents. I was alone, young and without the resources to find out about support services. I was helpless, everyone decided for me.
In France, the mother cannot find her child
I would have experienced a childbirth under X, I would never have been able to reach my son. In France, the procedure is too regulated. If the child can search for his biological mother by contacting the Cnaop (National Center for Access to Personal Origins), she cannot do anything. Of course, she can lift the secret of her identity, but the child will not be informed if he has not taken his own step. So even though I am for adoption, I am against childbirth under X.
Lydia, Paris