The child king is a child who cannot stand frustration and contradiction. As a result, he imposes his will with anger. What prompts a child to adopt this kind of behavior? How to react as parents? What can be done to prevent a child from becoming tyrannical? Answers and advice from Vincent Joly, psychologist for children and adolescents.

The child king is a child who does not accept being told no because he does not tolerate frustration. It is a child who does not support being set limits and who adopts in this sense explosive behaviors very regularly that can harm his development. It is impossible to negotiate with him. “The regularity and the impossibility of negotiating is important to define a child king because all the children can one day or another not accept what their parents impose on them but it is always possible to convince them by the negotiation. Therefore, the parents of a child king have no choice but to give in to his will to calm him down.”, Explains Vincent Joly.

This frustration intolerance results in anger, aggression or even manipulation. Tyrannied by his own desires, the child cannot control them.

There are several reasons that can explain a child’s feeling of power. And contrary to what one might think, the child is not to blame because he is a victim of the behavior of his parents and other external factors.

Parents

In a family, a child can take a place of all power if his parents do not feel legitimate in the rules that they impose on him. “If parents do not feel legitimate in their parental authority it is because it has been called into question by other adults such as grandparents, friends or the other parent in the event of divorce or separation. ”, Indicates the psychologist. However, a parent who does not believe in the rules that he dictates to his child (because he knows how to undermine his authority by others) cannot impose them firmly on him. The child then feels the flaw and rebels.

Also, more and more parents do not want to be seen as bad parents by those around them and by their child. For fear of being rejected by their offspring, they do everything to be loved and give in to all their desires. But the role of a parent is not to be loved by him, it is to love him and raise him. “I see a lot of parents who don’t accept being imperfect, that is to say they fear that one day their child will tell them ‘I hate you’ or ‘I don’t love you anymore’ because that they imposed their rules. But it is quite normal for a child to have mixed feelings towards his parents, there will always be fluctuations in their relationships. Each parent must assume and accept his negative part in the way of educating his / her children ”, notes the psychologist.

Advertisements for children

The abundance of advertisements aimed at children on television is not without consequences on their development. By the age of 12, a child has seen more than 100 commercials. “Advertisements sell scarcity, the child wants to own the things that are sold to him but his parents cannot / not want to give them all. Faced with their refusal, he experiences great frustration ”, comments the specialist. In children, whose identity is under construction, advertisements are not viewed with a critical mind. He does not understand why his parents refuse to buy him what he saw on TV when he was made to believe that he could have them easily. “In some countries such as Canada, advertising for children is now banned. In France, there are unfortunately few regulations around advertising aimed at children ”, said Vincent Joly.

• Do not undermine a parent’s authority over their child;
• Impose rules on your child that you believe in;
• Trust yourself as a parent;
• Do not lay down rules and punishments that you cannot stick to at the risk of losing credibility;
• Don’t wait until you are overcome with anger to impose your rules because you run the risk of not doing it intelligently.