Why do we fall for the tricks of scammers, although we believe that we understand people? Forensic scientist Wendy Patrick, author of How to Read People, has been studying people’s intentions and predicting their behavior for over twenty years. She gives advice on how to be alert and not let yourself be fooled.
“Most of the people we meet by chance are harmless,” explains Wendy Patrick. – They don’t want to steal things you left behind, they don’t want to extort money from you or force you to have sex. Sometimes we even ask the person at the next table in the cafe to look after things.” But sometimes we relax too much and find ourselves victims of scammers and aggressors.
For the victims, this turn of events comes as a complete surprise: well, how could you not notice the danger?
“We are ashamed that we fell for the bait of scammers, and in vain. Calculating dangerous people by one of their species is difficult even for a professional, Patrick notes. “Impressions are deceptive, and intruders use every opportunity to take us by surprise. Their actions are precisely aimed at lulling our vigilance.”
Here are some of the security strategies she suggests.
Follow what you see
The most common risks associated with scammers are fraud and sexual assault. The task of the attacker is to take you by surprise, to prevent you from concentrating and remembering the security measures. It happens that a rapist or a robber acts on the forehead, taking advantage of the fact that you are alone and there is nowhere to wait for help. Often it is enough for the victim to make a noise to frighten him off.
Be wary of any sentence that begins with “I insist”
But not everyone shows open aggression. Some, on the contrary, are emphatically charming. They disarm with their courtesy, skillfully disguising their true intentions. Knowing full well how powerful social norms are, they take advantage of our dependability or willingness to come to the aid of those who find themselves in a difficult situation.
Requests for help
We try to live according to the biblical or, if you like, universal human maxim “Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you.” We gladly help others when we can. But beware of those who ask you for help, regardless of other possibilities – for example, contact an employee at the station, a policeman, or the nearest emergency room.
If your phone is asked to “call”, remember that this person can access your contacts. In the era of smartphones, when one device contains all our personal information, including numbers, passwords, photos of children and messages in the mail – perhaps with scans of documents – such a request should not be responded to at all.
When they want to help you
Some people—regardless of their motives—can actively offer to help. However, a person’s true intentions are often revealed when they hear your answer. Most people, having heard your “no, thank you”, will not insist even if they sincerely think that it is you and right now who really need help. But the attacker’s plan does not include letting you go just like that. Therefore, under any pretext, he will try to impose his participation.
Pay attention to the context. It’s appropriate to accept a stranger’s offer to put your heavy bag in the luggage compartment on an airplane. But if a stranger literally snatches your bags, supposedly to help you carry groceries to the car or even to the entrance, this is a sign of danger.
Be wary of any sentence that begins with “I insist.” Hold your belongings firmly when you refuse help, as an intruder may try to snatch them from your hands.
Excessive plausibility of emotional reactions should alert in the first place
When we think that a stranger is friendly, our level of anxiety decreases. Demonstration of vulnerability works best. A person does not have to behave like the hero of Pierre Richard from the movie “Tall blond in a black shoe.” Sometimes he just looks unsophisticated: such a person can be imagined as a victim rather than a criminal.
In order to win you over and lull your vigilance, scammers may begin to be frank with you. You should be alerted that a stranger suddenly initiates you into the details of his life: where he lives, who his relatives and friends are, where and why he is going. Perhaps this is a ploy to provoke you to return frankness. No courtesy obliges you to serve outsiders, no matter what they say.
Everything we are told can be fiction, and emotions and gestures, no matter how sincere they may seem, can be a carefully rehearsed performance. By the way, it is the excessive plausibility of emotional reactions that should alert in the first place. It’s hard to be truly persuasive when we’re talking to strangers, so owning emotions can be a wake-up call.
About the Developer
Wendy Patrick − Trial lawyer, forensic scientist, author of Reading People (Random House 2008). Her .