«Change the quality of relationships»

“We are used to the fact that the child learns from adults. But upbringing is a two-way creative process, and the new book by Julia Gippenreiter helps parents not miss the chance to learn something very important from their children. The author considers upbringing as a fascinating and dynamic process of relationships, which can be established using special methods: “I-message”, “active listening”, “active listening by deed”. These are not just techniques or tricks — this is a worldview, a special lifestyle … It seems that what is there to learn here? After all, we listen to each other all the time. In fact, in a normal conversation, at best, we divide the communication space in half, and most often we strive to win back most of it for ourselves. Active listening to the child, which Yulia Borisovna teaches, is both listening, provided with the fullness of attention, and the ability to see behind the words the child’s attitude to what is happening, to discern his feelings. And through this help him understand and express himself. I recently witnessed such a conversation: a young mother was dressing her three-year-old son in a doctor’s waiting room. The boy asked her something. «Quiet!» Mom said in a loud whisper. «Why is it quieter?» — the boy asked and heard: «Grow up — you will know.»

And that’s all. The child was silent. Sometimes we get so busy or so tired that we don’t think about what we’re missing by brushing the question aside. We miss the opportunity to truly meet the child. Gippenreiter’s book is aimed precisely at changing the quality of our relations. The author’s view is optimistic: «It’s never too late to catch on!» Even when “everything is bad”, “launched”, relationships can work wonders. There are many such examples in the book. Real stories are woven into the plot, among the heroes of which are Marc Chagall, Marina Tsvetaeva, Charlie Chaplin, Sofia Kovalevskaya, Isadora Duncan, Niccolo Paganini. And many other strangers. Boys and girls, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and nannies.

And, reading the book, we believe: each person is unique. And we learn to better understand our children and ourselves. This is the magic of a book that can be read from anywhere and in one breath. And which is literally saturated with the energy of a child.