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Women cheat just as often as men: this is exactly what the latest scientific research proves. Only the motives that push to adultery differ. What is the difference between male and female infidelity?
The idea that women can have sexual fantasies and desires that they are ready to satisfy by no means with their regular partner still takes many by surprise.
“There is an idealistic myth in Western society that women are less interested in the physical side of relationships,” says clinical psychologist and bestselling author of Together and Separate, Robert Weiss. “Our cultural stereotypes tell us that men are more likely to cheat.”
Anthropologist Helen Fisher’s research showed that gender difference does not play a significant role. However, only 34% of women who cheated on their husbands admitted that they had a happy marriage, while 56% of those who were married and also had a connection on the side of men were sure of this.
“The explanation for this is as follows,” Fischer says. “Women tend to be interested in sex, which gives them a feeling of emotional closeness, while men are more likely to seek new sexual experiences.”
Thus, women are more likely to cheat on their regular partner if they lose their internal connection with him.
This is also shown by an anonymous survey on the British site Undercover Lovers — a resource for those who are ready to date without advertising it. Registered on it, 90% of men and 70% of women admitted that they were married, and 57% of women said that they had feelings for their secret lovers, while only 27% of men admitted this.
Even though women understand that their infidelity potentially destroys a marriage and can cause severe trauma to a loved one, they continue the relationship on the side. Why is this happening?
Low self-esteem
Sexual interest from the opposite sex helps someone struggle with a loss of self-confidence and often, as a result, a loss of taste and interest in life. This obvious surrogate for love and attention from the outside, at the same time, allows a woman to feel desirable and interesting for a while, which raises her significance in her own eyes.
Loneliness and loss of intimacy
Sometimes a woman feels like a responsible mother, a caring nanny, and in case of financial success, she is also the main breadwinner of the family. “These mixed up roles make her gravitate towards relationships that make her feel weaker and more desirable, that is, return to the symbolic feminine role,” says Robert Weiss.
— Moreover, a permanent partner may well satisfy her sexual needs. In a new relationship, a woman is looking for emotional completeness and spiritual connection (even if she only draws it in her imagination).
It is more common for a woman to identify the feeling of intimacy with the non-sexual sphere.
“It is important for her that they think and care about her: they call or write messages, talk heart to heart, give even small, but significant gifts that emphasize her importance in a man’s life,” says family psychologist Lydia Monve. “Men need this constant confirmation of emotional connection to a lesser extent, which often leads to resentment and misunderstanding.”
High expectations
Some women have unrealistic ideas about relationships with the opposite sex. It seems to them that if they call their partner their best friend, then he will almost without words guess all their feelings and desires. He is always obliged to be near, understand and support.
And if one day they suddenly lose this feeling (which is inevitable, because relationships always go through ups and downs), then internal narcissism pushes them to look for the same kind of support on the side.
Lack of female friendship
For psychological balance, it is important not only to have a close and deep relationship with a romantic partner, but also to have a close connection with «one’s own kind.»
“Some women find it difficult to make friends, it is much easier for them to trust men,” says Lydia Monve. — Often this is due to the lack of a deep and tender connection with the mother, stretching from childhood, her coldness and detachment. Subsequently, this becomes a barrier to building trusting relationships with girlfriends, which in turn can push you to look for an understanding friend among men.
Trying to end a relationship
If the relationship has exhausted itself, it is psychologically easier for a woman to get out of them, feeling not alone, but in demand and still attractive to the opposite sex. This feeling gives more determination for an important step.
Revenge
Sometimes a woman is pushed to betray a loved one — his infidelity or failure to fulfill an important promise to her. In this case, she often doesn’t even bother to hide her connection.
lack of sex
Women are naturally as sexy as men and enjoy the physical side of love just as much. And sometimes their sexual temperament can exceed the demands of a partner. In this case, someone chooses not a divorce, but another connection that gives what they are deprived of in a permanent union.
For many women, ending relationships on the side is often more difficult than they thought.
“Internal reasons pushing for treason can be difficult to comprehend,” says Robert Weiss. “Professional psychological help is often needed to cope with the experience of internal trauma that led to a situation of betrayal, which, as a rule, does not make life any happier.”
When a couple nevertheless decides to keep the union, then in some cases the experienced shock helps to realize the importance of each other, understand the motives for what happened and go forward.
“However, not everyone is able to overcome the burden that falls on relationships,” says Robert Weiss. — It is worth remembering that 80% of adultery becomes known to the partner. And it will be an inner scar, forever remaining with the person with whom we once connected our lives.